Killing yourself

In relationships the single worst thing you can do is be monogamous to someone your just kicking it with. This is my greatest problem, I'm kinda old I think about the consequences of my actions etc.. So I have one smash buddy at a time. It seems logical and sane... BUT it isn't. My mother often says "bettin all ya money on one horse ain't gon win ya shit". It's a quote about sex LMFAO!
Recently I had a conversation with two people I love and respect. The conclusion was that monogamy without "titles" is suicide. I always feel like I'm doing the right thing when obviously I'm dead wrong. I don't believe in lying, but sometimes I honestly don't know the truth. I don't want a boyfriend but then I feel really bad if I have multiple fuck buddies. So I only have one. Which is death.
I'm slowly dying everyday. I've tried to run, I can't. Not to mention, Big haunts me more than the shadows in my room. It seems like the only thing I can do is run.. yet I have no reason to.
In my opinion most people stay in "relationships" because they don't see any other options. I honestly don't see any other opinions.

Glass Houses

Its not often that I let what people say about me bother me, and I wont choose today to start caring past this post! I would rather a person that thinks negatively of me and dont like me straight up say I dont fuck with you. I would rather them never give thoughts about me, Id rather them never look my way. Id rather them not pretend they care or feed into a false friendship.

I have never pretended to be an angel nor will I ever. Everyone around me knows that I have led one of the most fucked up, selfish and more horrible pasts of anyone I know. But I thank God that i experienced everything I did. It has made me a better and far more honest person than most people i know. I dont live behind lies, and i wont fix myself for fake to get anyone in my life to understand me or like me.

With that said I welcome the stones, storms, and wrecking balls that you throw at my glass House. Fuck the table, I place my cards on display, taped to the walls facing out for all to see. I know who I am, and maybe you should too before you go placing judgement...better yet. You need to fix your walls before you go passing judgement. Fake bitches like you havent even worked their way up to glass. You're a pitiful frame with Seran Wrapped walls. You bend and conform to whatever mold you need to fit for the moment. You're thin, weak, shallow, foggy even.

I know far more about you and your fucked up past than you do about mine. Im not God or Jesus Christ, so i leave the Judging to them because they are the only ones you should have to answer to besides your own fucked up conscious. I realize sometimes people are so fucked up that they want to direct attention away from themselves but you should do this away from me and not even call yourself an friend, much less an associate. My past is my past and im paying for everything I did. But what you dont realize is, I dont owe you shit. Didnt fuck with you and you dont know my life so STFU. Shagari Gerard Jackson has never been, and never will be perfect...

Stop building your home with False Bricks and look into your own life, I bet when the storm that is Judgement day comes my foundation stands stronger than yours. Im not even mad at you though. I thank The Lord that he brings stuff like this to light so you know who to distance yourself from. Im a far better friend than any of you may ever know. and if u dont think so at the time you will eventually see that. Just cause i dont tell people what they dont wanna hear doesnt make me horrible. Im just being real. and its funny that all this came about today...someone else thought i was horrible and texted me the following this morning... This from a person i didnt sleep with, didnt sell dreams, didnt sugar coat anything about my life.
See to often people dont understand what the fuck they have in a friend till they piss on em..and i promise you will need me before i ever need you. See im good living in my glass house with my Windex conscious. You can keep puttin up them Seran Wrap walls with them muddy bricks..far more dirt than I. Avatar Shit "I see you!"

I want even unfollow or block ya dirty dingy ass... But ask yaself how can you sit calmly in the Jury when you a convicted ass felon?

The Rain..

Its raining....Savage Sensual Sex...I want some....Lickin,slurpin, suckin, fuckin, touchin, rubbin. Shower, floor, bed, table, bent over in front of the bathroom mirror... heavy breathin on your neck. Eagles grip upon your ass. Kidnapping your soul from your body with your Vagina as the doorway. My Tongue as the kidnapper. If im caught fuck it ill take my charge. Give me Life imprisonment in your arms. Ill suck your lips and exchange hot stares with u till we cant anymore!

So we sleep to recharge, but i promise you if you graze me with your ass again ill be wide awake again. Ill get the sweet scent of your pussy and track it as if my life depends upon it. Im hungry and havent eaten you in an hour or so...I approach my prey as you lay there sleeping...Some would call it sneaking. But you dont put up any fight as you discover your kitty's impending doom. (lol impending doom) I'll dine thirstily upon you as if its my last meal. You let me know how u feel as the life leaves your body in the form of sex fluids. I dare not waste this thick drink.. Who knows when ill reach water again. So I slurp away as you release my hair i know youre done coming when ur legs release their death grip. Kisses around your thighs, stomach, just under your breast. I leave neither of them feeling neglected as i twirl both nipples with tongue. under your chin, your jawline, your cheeks, your lips. I taste them all....Dick hard from the time i woke up..you grab it.. you want it.. you got it...lets get it



Im a recovering freak but the very sight of you gives me relapses. I cant help but feel that spending an eternity with you rolling exchanging beads of sweat is anything but less than Heaven

shit happens

In my mind all the parts of my life that are about relationships are narrated by Sarah Jessica Parker. If my blog ever became a television show she would narrate.
I went back on my word. I text him.. (Hov)... and the Miranda of my live (the lovely sometimes red haired Mexican) said "Oh he's nice".
My Miranda doesn't approve of any of the men I've ever liked/loved. But she likes him. Let's not over analyze he's honestly never done anything wrong (to me). Back to Miranda, She's my pessimist! I don't need people who constantly shoot flowers up my ass it's not healthy. I like to look at the brightside and well she doesn't really LOL! Balance is amazing.
My Charlotte wants me to have a "boyfriend", I'm not quite sure what boyfriend means or does. I like a guy (it's not going anywhere *trust me*) & I love a guy (it's NOT going anywhere... soon). I'm just not that into monogamy at the moment.
My life in order goes: God, Family, success (degree,career), Be PRETTY!, Eat chocolate, men.
I don't need men, I have vibrators. Well I don't need monogamy; sex partners are cool people. So many things are important to me, boyfriend is just like.. a nipple ring, I don't see it's place in my life right now.
What does Carrie want for Carrie?? Not to wait 10 years for some asshole to realize she's the one! LOL yeah we met when I was 20 so umm... clocks ticking negro! I joke I joke! I want wine & happy hours, I want a degree and some fierce blonde weave!
Clearly I've wasted your time but I wanted to write this!