Consistent...

I dream CRAZY shit. I can't tell everyone my dreams but if you know what I dream... you know it's CRAZY! A few weeks ago I had a dream about EVERY type of elevator I've ever seen. You ever notice when you're about to figure out the point of your dream you wake up? Or maybe I'm crazy. I need a new vision board. Time to re-write my goals. I see me moving in a new direction!!  

But it's so simple...

The hoe tips tumblr is HILARIOUS! Bro tips NOT so much.

Anyway, people are stupid throw rocks at them. It's amazing how people spend 23 hours a day worrying about shit that won't happen. Why is it that people are more concerned with what someone else is doing than improving themselves? Self improvement is a beautiful DO IT!!!  I hate other people. I like talking about myself. Call it what you want but I get tired of talking about other people. I'm a fucking genius! And I'm hilarious! I've devoted my life to me... Try it!!

New Shoes & Naming Puppies

I'm a simply girl. I don't buy new shoes often maybe one pair every 6 weeks BUT most times I buy them & wear them once.

It's kind of like men. I buy new shoes (new-ness) every 6 weeks, I start texting maybe calling but by week 4 I usually tap out. I get bored or they seem more ugly it's always something! But then there's those comfort shoes those slippers no one ever sees you in! Those are the best! Which leads me to naming puppies.

Why the f**k is you worried about it!!

Again, I ask why the f-ck is you worried about it???

All day everyday the social network community focuses on "issues" that don't have sh-t to do with nothing!!! And I ask again and again... Why the f-ck is you worried about it??? I'm not talking about the funny stuff. The funny stuff is GRRRRRRR-eat!! It's these "issues" that aren't really "issues".

Examples:

iHATE Hill Harper

My mother always says there's NOTHING worse than a wolf in sheep's clothing!

I can rant about the idea of the intelligent black slut for years but I'll start here. Hill Harper isn't the first nor will he be the last slut that's really a "good guy". Most famous sluts have muscles or a much more appealing physical build. Hill however has intelligence. Intelligent men are always more dangerous than ignorant men. The idea of being a "good black man" and doing what needs to be done for the community as a whole makes men like Hill Harper seem "good".

& that's fine too

My first February randumb!! Get excited biiiitches!!!

How many times has someone told you what you should do?? And that person wasn't doing a DAMN thing! The audacity of you to tell me to be great when you ain't shit. It's funny, but then it's not.  && that's fine too!!!

Here I am

Look at the baby tiger!! LOL!

Life has begun. It feels like my year just started. I'm excited. Not really nervous. Faith is a beautiful thing. The art of believing excites me! Sometimes it's so easy to be pessimistic. BUT now is not that time so I won't dwell.

Find the point!

There's several things in life that I honestly don't understand. I don't know if these things are right and I'm wrong or if there is even a right or wrong in these situations. I do know that me being perplexed is never exciting....
I've blogged before about how black men are criticized for being "thugs" but society glorifies John Gotti and Robert E. Lee as if violence wasn't their means of operation as well.

I wanted to just write and not have it be a list but I think a list is in order...

This summer in my business writing class the teacher said space and graphic highlights make people pay more attention so yeah...

Somethings to consider

Who the fuck told you this was a good idea? I want you to ask yourself that the next time you do something you can't tell your best friend about. Those secrets that you're afraid to tell even the person you trust the most.. well boo that's some shit you know you shouldn't do.

I love danger. BUT I ain't shamed of it! I'm more ashamed when I do good girl stuff cause it fucks up my "image"! Lol! I kid. Or not.

If you ask me I will tell you. I've never been a fan of rumor I'd rather you know instead of having some crazy idea about me... BUT I'm me... moving along

Those who have the select priviledge of knowing the real you, should love you. If they don't... are they your friends??

I can't lie and say I approve of all my own decisions... for example.. I talk to Big ALOT... I may love the attention but I know it's not healthy... If I was my friend and not myself I'd curse me out about this.

I have friends who date guys who don't want anything in life it makes me sad. I just want so much better for them BUT I'm not throwing shade at them.

My biggest pet peeve with the common negro is the catty-ness. Why is she your friend if you hate everything about her? And you wonder why people don't trust you but you talk out your ass about everyone...

Bottom line is you could 5000 abortions, murder a man and rob a bank, if your friends love you... no one should know but you and them... BUT how many real friends exist...

So should we refrain from the actions or the people?

Something to think about clearly....

Selective Slutting

I don't consider myself a "good girl". And I only know 2 honest to God good girls. Other than that.. I know sluts. Slutting isn't horrific it's just not being a virgin. Most women have cheated, lied, flirted or slept with someone they will NEVER tell anyone they ever looked at. It's a fact!

Selective slutting is choosing who you slut with for example, some women only slut with athletes (if I do I like tackles NO skinny men), some women slut with greeks (this one time...), some women slut with guys who are dangerous (I can't think of anything), some women just slut with who ever. The shade/judgement that comes from "slutting" is male based. Men pretend they want virgins and shun women for being sexual so in turn women shun women. Men form the basis of all communication YET women refuse to re-write the books... I AM FEMINIST hear me roar! I write my own rules and make my own books... READ ABOUT ME! What's the difference between a hoe who pretends to be a virgin and a hoe who tells you she's fuckin?? One isn't hiding, the other is a LIAR!

In my line of slutting the selection process is 90% mental. With the exception of B.B.U which is also why you should never give a dumbass a chance. I enjoy puzzles.. The inner workings of a man BUT only if he's attractive. Being selective isn't always about physical appearance, but most times it is. Most women assume other women are sluts because she sleeps with someone you'd never sleep with.. or something of that nature. When truth is everyone I know has around the same number... Ya'll really need to cut that judge shit out.. cause they jury says we're all the same... Some are just more selective than others!

So yeah just cause you only fuck lames with no money and we out chea GOAL digging.. Don't be mad at us be mad at your focus boo!

At least own it

Jenna Jameson is a boss bitch. She owns her brand. Most women no matter what they do... don't own their brand. Jenna controlled who she did when she was in porn, she controlled all her publications & she got about 80% of all the profit from her films. Some people will say she's a hoe yada yada blah blah BUT how many hoes do you know that fuck for status??? At least Jenna makes money!

Most women don't own shit. They don't own themselves, their sexuality, their minds, their ideas or their money. How many times have you spent money on something because of someone else?? I am guilty! I'm not saying all women should be porn stars. I'm saying more women should OWN themselves. Most chicks don't want to own anything. They'd rather exist. It's sad really.

People won't be who I want them to be... the lack of substance in the world amazes me. People who never read or even keep up with current events have the loudest most vocal opinions. And women are the worst. My girlfriend was talking about how much shade hoes throw.. "but they still got them hair show "LV" bags and "Chanel" earrings"...  It's funny how women let things make them and most times its FAKE things...

Own yourself!

Cooler than me...

1. "Your family is scum" - my girlfriend
2. Anytime anyone talks about getting fucked in the butt I wanna throw up
3. I'm not homophobic I just can't handle ass talk
4. Trey Songs makes me also wanna barf the same way gay ass sex makes me wanna barf
5. Jersey Shore season 2... I can't wait
6. The word "chap" is un-natural to me... NO one sounds "cool" saying it
7. If someone doesn't treat you kindly why do you kiss their ass??
8. He was probably trying to get at me that time... I couldn't though
9. Throwing shade is fun and all... BUT I really wish people would DO better
10. GRAHAM CRACKER --- that means dry
11. If all you can afford is Macy's why try to play in Saks... being real NEVER hurt nobody
12. Am I the only person who realizes rich people don't wear shiny shit... moving along
13. Remember when being ghetto was cool??? I didn't fit in AT ALL
14. You notice how much chicks have changed since the Real Housewives of ATL started??
15. Why is getting drunk so fun??? (I still don't understand)
16. I like Ciara... I'm NOT a stan won't buy an album but I like her
17. Thoughts at the moment: "we in the Range in this fucked up weather
    It's snowin and I'm tryin to put the whole shit together
    How Laverne, she always wanted to be like me
    And dress like me, and look like me
    And Nicole, it's like she lived in my house
    Askin me for money, day in - day out
    And last but not least the grimiest one Tayesha
    She planned it all, come to find out her name is Keisha" - Lil Kim "Aunt Dot"
18. Kim goes so hard
19. I saw a 30 something man with a mo' hawk yesterday & I was angry women were checking him out
20. I see a bitch with black lipliner on daily...
21. I would like to give Amb another f-ck u!
22. My life is an inside joke... u mad that you outside??
23. WHY do men still have braids?? I can't take it
24. Then he had beads on the braids.. BUT he looked at me crazy
25. Gretchen is the SMARTEST woman I know
26. If you gon be a "goal digger" aim high
27. That girl Gretch got a MAN who doesn't just have potential he has drive & work ethic...
28. That's the shit you hate on, I'm not jealous I'm too happy for her
29. Once a guy hurts my feelings I un-give a fuck HARD
30. I don't do frienemies, I just don't fuck with you sir
31. "Girls at LSU can be hoes but if they get pregnant we point and stare" -- the double standard
32. That bitch shiny but it's from Rainbow.. shiny rainbow..
    
    

Take that monkey shit off

Reading peoples twitter comments on the #ohUfancyhuh trending topic made me think.....

Some people enjoy "playing roles"; me personally my role is comedian, bitch, slut! That being said, if I took this monkey shit off I'd be dull. I'm so boring in real life but nobody knows that... moving along. I don't think my role hurts anyone. Some people pretend to be nice and are actually bitchs. Some people pretend to care about you and could give a fuck less. Most people pretend to be more wealthy than they really are... that shit's funny! I often wonder who people aim to impress with "this monkey shit".

Oh.. back to the point, the roles that hurt people are fucked up. If I don't like you I just won't talk to you. If I don't know you I'll probably make fun of you... I don't know you so your feelings mean nothing to me.. That's natural. BUT my friends the people I love... I don't hurt them. Not on purpose. Sometimes they do stupid shit and I tell them it's stupid. They get mad but at least I'm not posting your business on facebook.

Watch the roles you play... they might kill you one day!!

Well U must not want that shit (randumb)

This week alot of dumb shit was said:

1. "God gon bless you for being nice, not being stupid" - mama
2. "I don't want it bad enough to do it in 90 degree weather"
3. "I knew I was horny for real"
4. Them hoes got needles in they pussy
5. Only 3 things could happen if you cross the hump: death, STDs or the trap
6. NO they dumb black hoes they'll buy you shit
7. Yeah she got herpes.. NO not that one... NO ALL them niggas got herpes (they gay)
8. Where the fuck you from wit dat fake ass Boosie fade?
9. When a man look in the mirror he think he Kobe, Denzel, a mandigo warrior fuck we just think we the shit

Validation

We all validate our poor decisions in some way I just don't understand everyone. I guess I feel like my excuses are more logical. Or maybe I think everyone is out of their mind.
It all started because no one understands me. I'm the most important person in my life. I validate me. I don't need a man or friends or enemies... I hate women who need men.. you need Jesus sweetie. I never thought it was ok to search for acceptance outside of yourself.
Growing up I had solid friends and we've been friends forever which is probably why I never really longed for acceptance. I don't need anyone to like me my Christmas list is long enough. But I see people, women mostly searching for this impossible acceptance that will never happen. It's strange to me. Very very strange!
I never liked people.. never really related to them. I can't make people understand me. I can't even explain me well. Just know I'm 99.98% right about things that don't apply to me.

The Truth

Most truths are so naked that people feel sorry for them and cover them up, at least a little bit. - Edward R. Murrow

I don't keep many "social" things a secret. I don't feel the need to, if I did it I admit it. It makes life more simple. Besides one of my "friends" will tell one of their friends who will tell someone who doesn't care for me then everyone in my tiny universe will know anyway.
Most times the "rumors" or stories people tell about us only bother us because we don't want people to know our "dirty laundry". NEWSFLASH nothing is a secret if someone else was there. You tell he tells/ she tells. Shit gets out FAST! So why deny it?? Most things only hurt because we can't admit to ourselves who we really are. Me personally I know who I am and I don't lie about her.
Take Roseanne as the greatest example she gave a baby up for adoption before she was famous the kid surfaced, Roseanne said "She's mine", NO SCANDAL! No drama! Most people don't even know it happend because it wasn't dragged out or denied.

“The speed of communications is wondrous to behold. It is also true that speed can multiply the distribution of information that we know to be untrue.”



The truth scares people because they all want to be seen as "angels" funny thing is, if the world knows you a hoe! I learned these last few weeks that I'm not a hoe. I was relieved! I haven't done half the shit these so say "good girls" have NOT saying I'm an angel but my number is waayyyyyy lower than yours... *now they wonder what my number is* haha!!! I was a jaded fool who thought she was the one when she was really one of many... see my flaw ADMITTED! I can't be scandalous cause I refuse to lie... That's the bigger point. Think about it... but you won't change...

To be persuasive we must be believable; to be believable we must be credible; credible we must be truthful. - Edward R. Murrow

shit happens

In my mind all the parts of my life that are about relationships are narrated by Sarah Jessica Parker. If my blog ever became a television show she would narrate.
I went back on my word. I text him.. (Hov)... and the Miranda of my live (the lovely sometimes red haired Mexican) said "Oh he's nice".
My Miranda doesn't approve of any of the men I've ever liked/loved. But she likes him. Let's not over analyze he's honestly never done anything wrong (to me). Back to Miranda, She's my pessimist! I don't need people who constantly shoot flowers up my ass it's not healthy. I like to look at the brightside and well she doesn't really LOL! Balance is amazing.
My Charlotte wants me to have a "boyfriend", I'm not quite sure what boyfriend means or does. I like a guy (it's not going anywhere *trust me*) & I love a guy (it's NOT going anywhere... soon). I'm just not that into monogamy at the moment.
My life in order goes: God, Family, success (degree,career), Be PRETTY!, Eat chocolate, men.
I don't need men, I have vibrators. Well I don't need monogamy; sex partners are cool people. So many things are important to me, boyfriend is just like.. a nipple ring, I don't see it's place in my life right now.
What does Carrie want for Carrie?? Not to wait 10 years for some asshole to realize she's the one! LOL yeah we met when I was 20 so umm... clocks ticking negro! I joke I joke! I want wine & happy hours, I want a degree and some fierce blonde weave!
Clearly I've wasted your time but I wanted to write this!

I'm just different

I don't think there's a black man shortage. I don't think white girls are taking up all the good black men. Probably because I'm not just attracted to black men. I feel like I'm awesome and if I want something I can have it (black, white, yellow, red, tan, peach). Too many women don't value themselves so they blame white women for their problems. I was watching the show show on YouTube & Bari said something to the effect of "Why aren't black women mad about the drug dealers and toothless black men that white women "take"? " This has always been my thought. When I worked in wic I saw white women with black men that not even the trashiest hood rat should want. I really don't care who disagrees: Most black women are only angry when successful black men date white women. Nobody gets mad at the guy who works at McDonalds for being with a white girl. LMFAO!!

Which means you don't want the money you want the "status" or the "money". I could care less about a mans money he just can't ask me for mine. I'm a goal-digger. I need someone with a mission a purpose. I'd date a teacher with no issue. Back to the point. I love white men. They make me happy in my panties. I know it's different because I liked them before I liked black men but still. They're so fun! It's like traveling to a foreign land without moving. I think black women should stop trying so hard to be with black men, they ain't checking for you.

If more black women dated white men maybe then black men would get mad and start dating black women HA HA! That would be some fun shit. Anyway I'm going to find me a white man with good cred-ick and hazel eyes!!

Confessions...

The Ugly Truth is I lie alot. I lie to myself mostly. But sometimes, in rare form, I lie to people and I lie hard. Before "the bullshit", I didn't need to lie.. but for the last 7-8 months I've lied alot.
Last week I tried to purge myself and my life. It was almost successful.. but I'm kinda slutty (in thought at least)...

For some women being "loved" is all they want, for me it's being lusted, I want you to want me. I don't become emotionally attached through conversation or quality time, that's boring. I fall for passion, intensity, body heat.
Part of me wants to be normal and tell you that I want a man in my life for something other than sex and reaching high things but I don't. Even the guy that I liked since forever, if I could have him to own, I wouldn't.
Last night the kid told me I'd fall in love soon because I hate love so much. I don't hate the action just the motives. I don't like needing things. I don't like getting jealous or caring, or worrying. NONE OF IT!
Needless to say I'm over it. What nourishes me has destroyed me. I'm not looking for it (friends with penis'). And I hope it doesn't find me. At this point I'm so disgusted with myself and men that I don't want anything at all. No dick, no conversation, no interaction, nothing. Just go to your side of the world and let me stay in mine.
Growth, is often a process I hate. I've regressed into a lot of my 21yr old habits. I don't think I've ever hated myself as much as I did at 21... so why regress into a person I hate? Somewhere in the back of my mind living without caring seems easier than growing up. The only difference between now and 21 is that I'm sober. I don't think I enjoy drinking as much as I used to.
I won't say I'm over it. I'm never on it to be over it.. (you gotta buy in to sell out)
I'm moving forward, not forward from the last point, forward from the place I want be to the place I need to be.
This probably makes no sense.. That's what I do! Hugs not drugs!

I'm insecure but I can't help it...

I decided to give up my delusion for lent... Sometimes you have to change something to realize it should never be changed.

Maybe my life isn't fun or exciting.. I can deal with that. My fantasy world probably isn't healthy but I doesn't cause as much damage as my reality. So sue me?!? I've grown to think maybe I don't care about certain people as much as I think I do.. I just needed to stop talking to/about them. I needed me again. While some women would rather die than be alone. I'd rather be alone than die trying to "be happy". I'm not happy right now but the peace I have now is much better than the insanity I feel when trying to make someone other than me make me happy. I'm simple, I like writing, sleeping, eating and sex. There's really nothing else... BUT that makes me undesirable... I digress.. I'm NOT allowed to bad mouth myself LOL! One day my real life might be fun.. so fun that I won't blog. I don't know why I care so much about what they think (I mean men). Eventually they all fade away until I find the one.. Until then me & vibrator are bestest friends and all men (outside my imagination) just don't exist.