Sin and Seduction

Of course I have to comment. This is my opinion it really shouldn't shape the world. It's just an opinion. BUT someone somewhere believes everything they read is a fact... moving along.... 

Find the point!

There's several things in life that I honestly don't understand. I don't know if these things are right and I'm wrong or if there is even a right or wrong in these situations. I do know that me being perplexed is never exciting....
I've blogged before about how black men are criticized for being "thugs" but society glorifies John Gotti and Robert E. Lee as if violence wasn't their means of operation as well.

I wanted to just write and not have it be a list but I think a list is in order...

This summer in my business writing class the teacher said space and graphic highlights make people pay more attention so yeah...

What nourishs me... destroys me

None of my current friends have really been with me through the bullshit years. My blog partner knew me when I was unbearable. He's a nice guy. (If you know the real him) & my Jai, she's my rock. Can't forget my Ginfer. But other than that.. I really can't think of anyone's who dealt with me. Maybe tolerated me but not dealt with.

The conflict between past & present self... that's what I keep thinking about. When I decided to change my life I was whole. I had no worries. I'd smile for no reason. I was never bored. I was disconnected from the interenet too. Some kinda magical way I forgot that I stopped having sex, drinking & being an asshole because I was on a mission to be a great person. To be the best me I could possibly be everyday no matter what happened. Some how I got so caught up in the world that I lost sight of the REALLY important things. My relationship with God, my sanity, my family, my joy. I'm upset with myself but I also realize that my church had alot to do with my vision. I've been unhappy with my church for a while but it's my church so I keep going. (me and my misguided loyalty) My church pissed me off more than it made me happy ALL year but everytime I went somewhere else I was fulfilled. At the church I visited yesterday the Pastor talked about how he used to smoke purp and lived that life. He was real. Too real I loved it. Same goes with yesterday hence the realization.

I'm somewhere between Jenna & Jesus BUT I've gone off the deep end. I am Jenna, maybe not physically but mentally... My thoughts are dominated by my "rockstar" persona. I'm not the real me. Or at least an accurate reflection of the person that I am. I'm an optimist. I'm actual a sweetheart, but I will NEVER bite my tongue about something I think is wrong. I've turned into someone who craves sex more than sanity. And why? I had so much peace. I can't explain to you how peaceful life was. So now I move on. I grow. I look at my past and realize that my present doesn't want the me of Saturday & I try my hardest to live being me. The real kind.

Thought Process

I'd like to call this Lesson #3:

Most people don't realize that the way they think is the way they live. I haven't always thought well. The thought process is what seperates those who are weak from those who are strong. Luck doesn't exist. I have friends who tell me I'm lucky. Not lucky, I am optimistic. Is it possible to be positive 24/7 maybe but not for me. I like to curse people out sometimes...
Back on subject, In 2007 I was introduced to the Law of Attraction, really the entire New Age section at the books store. When I started to realize that my actions were a result of things I thought, I realized I had no one to blame but me. Personal responsiblity is some stuff. Since changing my thought process I've gotten 2 jobs, 5 raises, a few new great friends, I'm never broke & I geniunely love life.
Most people will tell you that Christianity and the law don't go hand and hand but the only way I can explain the law is through the Bible "As a man thinks, so is he." Proverbs 23:7. The law is about only focusing on good things. The old people say "pray for the better and prepare for the worst"; to me that's saying God can't do anything the world is in charge. Sidebar: I'm spiritual NOT religious (religion divides people, I love everybody)

The rapper says he looks for miracles everyday (I helped him to change his thought process). So many people wake up everyday waiting for something to go wrong and then wonder why nothing good is happening. You get what your looking for and it may not be something great. Thoughts become things is the easiest way to put it. For example, people who always talk about things they hate or don't want. They aren't happy people, no one really wants to be around them and good things rarely happen to them. A positive thought process is HARD. Thinking that things will go wrong is most peoples default. Now I ask do what I did, think about where you are, think about where you want to be... I'm not there either. Point is 99.9% of people will tell you, "You can't make it". WHY on Earth would you be the other 0.01% and say "No I can't". If you can't believe in yourself, how can anyone else? It all starts with the thought process.
Examples to dwell on:

• A plane weighs 2 tons but it flys.. now 50 years ago if you told any "logical" person that they'd say never gonna happen.
• Walt Disney said "If you can dream it, you can do it. Always remember that this whole thing was started by a mouse" And he also said "I could never convince the financiers that Disneyland was feasible, because dreams offer too little collateral"
• Billy Gates essentially built a fortune on 0s & 1s (binary)
• Apple wasn't cool in 1995, Steve Jobs started all over.. & now everybody has an iPhone

Do yourself a favor research anyone whose ever done anything worth being documented and the story will be the same, they failed 1,000,000 times but they knew one day it would pay off. They thought they would be successful. Every great thing you own, want, need or buy, started off in someones mind. You owe yourself a new thought process, you get all the new Jordans LOL!
But be warned thinking positive thoughts without positive action is pointless. "Dreaming instead of doing is foolishness, and there is ruin in a flood of empty words" -Ecclesiastes 5:7 (which ties us back to yesterdays lesson *pow*)
Since we're less than 10 days into 2010 it's not too late to change your thought proccess. The Milky Way is the limit.. or the end of the block you decide.

2010 started...

And then I went to church!
I missed church on New Years Eve, I was really really sad about this. Today I went to 6 p.m. service at a church I've never been to. ALONE. I had to my heart told me I had to. The message was amazing. Let me share...
She said there was a women she knew who loved getting her hair done and the lady got her hair done every week. Her financial situation changed so now she can only get her hair done every other week or once month. Then she said "Women in chemo don't have hair".
We always look at what we have and compare it to something greater. I hate my car but at least I'm not walking. We all need to learn to be more thankful for what we do have. The Secret says "how can you get anything you want if you aren't grateful for what you have?"
Then she went on to say that we don't see God because we focus on our own things so much. We place want in front of need and think that because we don't have all the material things we desire somehow God is failing us. When most of us have everything we need.
The title was "Can you see God now"
And I see God. I have a house, a car, a job, great family, great friends, I'm healthy & I'm becoming better daily... 2010!!

I said it..

I rarely write about things that are extremely personal to me but there's a lesson in this.
My grandpaw has no legs, alzheimers, no teeth, a feeding tube and has had 3 strokes. I used to feel so sorry for him and wonder why life/God had cursed him in this way.
In a recent conversation with a family member, I learned that my grandpaw was a whore. Not a discreet one either. My grandpaw was a public hoe and cheated with local women.. So my grandmaw goes to the grocery store and knows the woman on aisle 5 is sleeping with her husband. They went further to say my grandmaw (who didn't drive) made my aunts and uncles (they have 8 kids) bring her to these womens houses to pull him out of the bed. YES.. he was pulled out of the act with my aunts & uncles as witnesses.
I no longer pity him. The wrath of God is extreme. I used to think he had no clue what was going on but I think he knows everything and can't do anything about it. Everyday of his life is pointless & painful torture.. maybe if he was a better person when he could have been it wouldn't be this way. I know someone will think I'm horrible for saying all this BUT think about the way you treat people it may not catch up with you at 40 or 50... you might just be in diapers again dependent on the same people you hurt to nuture you...the end

Toxic People

"A bitter root produces a bitter fruit.."

Toxic people are the people who pollute your life so much that you lose sight of yourself and become bitter. I've witnessed many toxic people lately.. Happiness is something that is aquired through hard work, love, faith and the desire to truly be happy. Tearing down everyone you encounter isn't the way to be at peace with yourself. Some many people try to kill your dreams & tell you what you aren't capable of because they don't see how it can happen. Small minds have small ideas..

A plane weighs like 2 tons yet it defies gravity... The internet makes no sense.. No one thought Bill Gates was a genius at first he was just a nerd. Electricity is something that can rarely be explained. No one thought any of these ideas would be successful. People didn't even think telephones were logical.

Nothing that is genius is logical. You know how many times I've been told I wouldn't succeed?? You know how much I make vs how much the people who told me I couldn't succeed make??? I don't have a degree yet I'm doing better than them... why? Because I believe in the art of positive thinking.

That being said toxic people will tell you that you have to pray for the better & prepare for the worst... if you believe in God that logic is retarded. If you believe in Jesus you believe that a virgin had a baby... pause for a while think about that.. see my point?

There is no logic in religion, theres no logic in success just a goal to succeed... Stop polluting the world!!

Stop discouraging people, Stop discouraging yourself, Stop saying what can't be done...

Doubt is the reason you're broke...

"But I need it..."

In the last few weeks, I've been surrounded by my past. The short verison of the long story is that I've lived more than one life. When I was in high school [& middle school] I thought getting high was cool. I've never really been addicted to anything besides cigarettes. Other than that it was an experiment. I haven't done anything since like 2005 and that was just weed. Drugs make me feel like I can't control myself. I love control. Even when people think I've given them power I promise I'm controling the situation.

On to the story, two weeks ago I got a call from a friend I haven't spoken to in months. She said she needed me. Everyone in my phonebook calls me when somethings wrong. I'm used to it. This is different though, she's addicted. I don't know what to say. I screamed mostly "If you wanna die go slit your wrist it'll happen faster". I love her. But I can't baby grown women. We've had a few classmates and friends die from drug overdoses. It still doesn't click. She says "No matter who dies or how close they are to you, you NEVER think it's gonna happen to you". I understand that it's kinda like how no one ever thinks they'll end up pregnant or with STDs but it happens.
Tonight I get a call from someone I thought I'd never speak to again.. & she needs me... She's addicted. I don't know what to say. I don't know how to be dependent on a substance and feel that I can't wake up without it. But I do know the only way to stop hurting is to address what hurts instead of masking it. I keep saying go to rehab but honestly I'm at a lose for words.
I think this is God's way of telling me I need to help people with addictions...

The Mission

So many people will tell you that they know me but they don't know shit. While vain & somewhat self-centered, if you really know me, you know my passion in life is people. Mostly kids. If I can't help, motivate & inspire every person I encounter I have failed as a person. You clearly didn't know that about me.. moving on.

Before I made mistakes my goal in life was to be rich. I wanted to use my bullshitting skills to make money and buy material things that would never equate to happiness. The 2nd time I flunked out of college, I was forced to take "easy" classes. Taking easy classes gave me the purpose I now have. Taking Juvenile Delinquency taught me how many men in prison had simple learning disablities. That if detected early would have probably kept them in school & maybe kept them from killing. There were several other lessons but that one sticks out in my mind the most. I don't aspire to be famous, but I will be glamorous in all things! I want to motivate the next generation to be all that they can be.
I've heard so many people say they're outraged by The BlindSide (the Michael Ohr story). Well guess what?? Antione Fisher was motivated by an African American but our generation seems to be so caught up in self that we don't help others. Now take all the outrage you have about white families helping black kids to succeed in life, and take your black ass into the inner city & help black kids, then you might get a movie! SHOCKING!!!
Personally, I don't need a movie or a book. I need a little girl to grow up and know that she's more than her body, I need one black man to grow up and know that he's worth more than his weight in gold (not my kids someone elses). That's it. My mission is to truly impact someones life as often as I can.

Jenna & Jesus

Sex... everyone sees it differently but who isn't/hasn't/won't do it eventually.

There are 2 worlds sex lies in. I live somewhere between Jenna & Jesus.

The Jenna thought process is that sex is natural and a part of life. In the Jenna world sex is had, adored & something to be happy about. Being a fan of Jenna [Jameson], I know that she grew up in Vegas where nudity & sexuality were never taboo. Her mother was a showgirl. She is of the breed of people who believe that God gave us everything as a form of expression. My biggest peeve with the Jenna thought process is that the consequences of sex [STDs, emotional distress, & pregnancy]are never stressed in this world.

The Jesus or more conservative idea of sex is that sex is dirty, taboo & should be hidden at all cost. In the "Jesus world" people have sex but cover it as if its something to be ashamed of. Newsflash ya mama had sex *sorry*! The conservatives have decided that all things sexual are wrong & dirty yet how many pastors are involved in sex scandals, how many conservative politicians have sex scandals & how many people who tell you how to live really practice what they preach. I hate how people use religion as a means to judge & not love. People who "find Jesus" [because nobody walks with him forever] condemn the actions they one took part in. But God gave you those organs to use, but NOT abuse.

Which leads me to Supahead... I think that Ms. Jenna has always been comfortable with sex, when it comes to Ms. Supahead I think she used sex to fill a void that only love, a higher power & self love could fill. Women like Supahead need love & validation, they seek it through sex I think that's wrong. I think people should find love in themselves.

My personal view on sex is that it's good. I like it. I know that sex before marriage is a sin yet I lie daily. I take shortcuts to get alot of things done bka misleading bka lying. I sin daily consciously & subconsciously. I'm not trying to justify my actions. I'm merely pointing out that there is no greater sin. However I don't believe that sex can fill any voids. I think America in general is a country of emotional vices par example emotional eating, emotional shopping & emotional cutting, just to name a few. If you truly love someone & they love you [or you think they do] do you boo! As long as 2 consenting adults are involved it's not my business that's first & it's their life to live.

P.S. These are my opinions... I don't care if you like them!

No, you're wrong

Disclaimer: I'm not trying to change your mind or make you see anything the way I see it I'm simply telling you how I feel and if you can't handle that I really don't care. This is my opinion.

Recently I've had conversations with different people about religion. I don't believe in religion, I believe in spirituality. Religion divides people and tells people they're right and everyone else is wrong. If the basis of all religion is love and we all essentially worship the same spirit of love and forgiveness, how can anyone be right or wrong. My dad is pastor, my uncles a pastor and my other uncle is a minister. Therefore my perception of everything is different.

Cult Church:
Once I visited this church and I hated it. The people I went with said I was being too critical but when I got home and told nameless where I'd gone to church he said "That's a cult". When I explained to my daddy what had gone on at the church he said "Nah, baby dat don't sound right". And my uncle the pastor said "When they control your mind it's easier for them to scam you out of money." My uncle [the pastor] is hilarious he thinks 99% of church's scare you into coming and take all your money; while the pastor lives in a million dollar house the congregation don't have a pot to piss in- not a direct quote but real close. Piper told me a story last week that shocked me. Her co-worker goes to cult church story is as follows:
Cult Girl: How's your relationship with God? [The bible NEVER said to question peoples faith it said spread the good news 1st thing I didn't like]
Piper: I believe and I go to church.
Cult Girl: What church do you go to?
Piper: our church [you don't need to know all that]
Cult Girl: I go to Cult church, have you ever been there?
Piper: Yes, a long time ago but it's not my style.
The conversation continues with Cult Girl basically saying if you don't go to Cult Church you're going to hell. I can't tell you whose going to hell no human alive can.

I condemn you to hell church:
Two years ago a friend of mine died and at his funeral the pastor started telling everybody about why they were going to hell; At a funeral! When I told my daddy about said "that's how those people are, that's what they do". I am not a fan of condemn you to hell church or condemn you to hell people. No one is perfect. God forgives. If God is the most forgiving and loving being ever why would he constantly condemn everyone to hell? Doesn't really make sense huh?

"You should live how I live":
People all kinds of people "find God" and then try to influence you to find the same God they found. I happen to think God is something different for everyone because no one ever has the same experience with anything. When I started going to church again I asked people to come with me. I didn't condemn those who didn't and I didn't judge those who did. It's not my or anyone elses place to judge. That's what drives me. May those without sin cast the first stone... I'm waiting... throw it... that's right YOU CAN'T! I have friends of all different religions I've never tried to make them see it my way. I respect other people's religion it's just how I rock. If you live life everyday to your full potential and do right by people, what's so wrong? I curse... oh well where is it in the 10 commandments that I shouldn't say that shit stinks? But you shouldn't lie and say you're living for God when you're scamming people and lying about your actions to others to seem more Godly... [observation not judgement] I sin. I'm not perfect I don't even try to be perfect. I don't sin on purpose most times but sometime I know what I'm doing and I do it anyway. So why can't everyone else be real enough to say that?

To witness is to live by example stop trying to convince people to join the club you make the club look soooooooo horrific.

These have been the opinions of the one and only MOI. If you don't like it theres a box at the top of the screen click X!

No sleep

Last night I had 4 dreams 2 nightmare 2 dreams. Everytime I woke up I prayed. I don't remember what I dreamed. I barely remember what I prayed. I know I'm ok. I'm afraid of being smart that means I can't make excuses. I don't know what to write about, I don't even know what to say. I just feel and I can't explain what I feel... maybe it's reality setting in. I can't tell anyone what's wrong with me because I honestly don't know. I've never felt this way before. I'm not going back, he's not coming back. It still sounds crazy to me but it's real. This year I've gotten rid of 3 very important friends because we weren't on the same path in life and it was pointless. Mama said the older I get the smaller the circle would get but I wasn't ready. I'm tired of growing up. I wanna be naive. I'm about to cry so I'll just stop.

2 cents

So yesterday I was kinda sad and prayed about whether or not I should keep doing this and this morning after the 2nd blog I looked at how much money I made and it was 2 cents.. so I decided to keep blogging because God put his 2 cents in LOL. I haven't made money in like 6 days... BAD FANS.

Recession or Jubilee

My daddy is a pastor... People don't know that.


The idea of a recession is b.s to me. I think rich people who scammed everybody and took advantage of everyone trying to live the "American Dream" finally got payback. Poor people are the least effected by this so called recession. The funny thing is that rich people put fear into poor people. They gae poor people the idea that they were losing something. How many people in the hood invested in the stock market? Seriously, If you research recessions a little tiny bit. You'll release that they always end when creative people create new ways to make money or to make life pretty. The internet and Windows ended the last recession. Funny how both Bush's put us in a recession...

In the bible the years are Jubilee were every 7th year the 15th year and the49th or 50th year. I think in order to make crocked places straight the jubilee has to come. Right now the people suffering are ones who believe they have to. Change your mindset and change everything.

• In Deuteronomy 15:1-18, the seventh year is called the LORD'S release, and all debts are to be forgiven. The reason for this law is to relieve the poor.
  
• Exodus 21:1-6 describes how Hebrew servants were to be released in the seventh year, unless they voluntarily desired to be lifelong servants.
  
• Deuteronomy 31:9-13 says that the Law is to be read at the end of the seventh year, at the Feast of Tabernacles. This would ensure that former debtors and servants were properly taught God's Law so they might not have to become poor again.

Source:

http://www.biblestudy.org/bibleref/holy-days/jubilee-and-the-sabbath-year.html


You thouht I was big buko dumb huh...