The answer minus the questions

Everyone has a bad day... Or week. Sometimes you have a shitty month... But how do you turn it off. Everyone says cheer up NO ONE says how... So here's your answer NO questions!

Those closest to me know that last year I suffered from some serious depression. And all I did was talk about it. THAT'S THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO! I believe in the law of attraction. The law states that like attracts like. The simplest way to explain it is that your thoughts become the things in your life. You attract what you think about most and if all your thoughts are consistently on the things you hate... Everything you hate dominates you! It's kind of hard not to talk about what's wrong. BUT dwelling on what's wrong only gives you more issues.  

Or I could fall asleep...

There's so much you can do!!

When's the last time you jumped off a cliff? Oh never. Well that's no fun! I don't believe in everyones dream but I never discourage people. I think it's easier to live in fear than it is to take a risk. If you fail SO THE FUCK WHAT!? People fail all the time. No one remembers your failure after you succeed. No one who ever got it right got it right the first time and if they did they got something else wrong somewhere too. If we were meant to live life. Why not take the risks??? If you fail you'll have fun doing it!! Snooki got paid $32 thousand dollars to give a speech at Rutgers!! You think she lives in fear. NOPE!!! No one knew Jersey Shore would be successful but she's famous for being herself. Follow your heart. Live your dreams LOVE LIFE!! PRAISE GOD! Don't forget the last part.

No fear!

Life was meant to be lived right? So why aren't we living? The number 1 answer to that is fear. The amazing thing about fear is most times people are afraid to ask for something that belongs to them. NOT even in the spiritual sense but it does apply there too. For example, my friend "borrowed" my overnight bag 3 years, I want that bitch back but I feel wrong asking... She didn't feel wrong for keeping it for 3 years BUT I feel wrong asking! It's MINE, I bought it, but for some strange reason, I'm afraid to ask for what's mine.

Why is it that when you let someone borrow something they act as if you're an asshole for wanting it back?? LOL! With me it goes farther and gets worse. I fear inconveniencing others. If it's someones job to clean something I'm still not going to leave it super dirty. That's just wrong. This week for example, I had to turn in my tax documents to school like 10 times, every day when I called I said "Is there anything else I need to do?" they always said no. NOW everyday I had to do something else BUT I was afraid that if I took steps before them something would go wrong... I was wrong. Every thing would have been perfect if I just did it!

How many times in life should I have just done it? Being afraid to make mistakes or just being afraid to be great. Once I talked myself out of going to class because I was afraid to give a speech... ME! I was all of a sudden afraid to speak in front of people (sense the sarcasm). My fears of failing and succeeding are almost always equal. And I ask myself, I say "Self what are you gonna do, if you don't fail or succeed you exist" then self replies with some rude comment about how I talk to myself too much. HA!

Destination: Unknown

Where are you going??

"On the road of life there are passengers and there are drivers" - some car commercial

Turning 25 for me is pretty big. I change bubbles, you know on forms when they ask you what age group you fit into, I am no longer comfortably seated between 18-24. I can't make the same mistakes, I honestly don't want to. "The decisions you make right now will be the ones that matter". That's all I keep hearing from everyone. And while I've delayed the growing up process tremendously I've also taken on some things that "grown" people wouldn't.

Driving around on fumes

There's no substance no structure, they just exist...

I value substance. Things that don't bother other people BOTHER me. I'm not big on wealth as an idea of financial success, I'm big on ideology. Shallow relationships scare me, shallow people scare me. If the only thing you can offer to conversation is what you read on a gossip blog or saw on BET/VH1... I'm easily bored with you.

What nourishs me... destroys me

None of my current friends have really been with me through the bullshit years. My blog partner knew me when I was unbearable. He's a nice guy. (If you know the real him) & my Jai, she's my rock. Can't forget my Ginfer. But other than that.. I really can't think of anyone's who dealt with me. Maybe tolerated me but not dealt with.

The conflict between past & present self... that's what I keep thinking about. When I decided to change my life I was whole. I had no worries. I'd smile for no reason. I was never bored. I was disconnected from the interenet too. Some kinda magical way I forgot that I stopped having sex, drinking & being an asshole because I was on a mission to be a great person. To be the best me I could possibly be everyday no matter what happened. Some how I got so caught up in the world that I lost sight of the REALLY important things. My relationship with God, my sanity, my family, my joy. I'm upset with myself but I also realize that my church had alot to do with my vision. I've been unhappy with my church for a while but it's my church so I keep going. (me and my misguided loyalty) My church pissed me off more than it made me happy ALL year but everytime I went somewhere else I was fulfilled. At the church I visited yesterday the Pastor talked about how he used to smoke purp and lived that life. He was real. Too real I loved it. Same goes with yesterday hence the realization.

I'm somewhere between Jenna & Jesus BUT I've gone off the deep end. I am Jenna, maybe not physically but mentally... My thoughts are dominated by my "rockstar" persona. I'm not the real me. Or at least an accurate reflection of the person that I am. I'm an optimist. I'm actual a sweetheart, but I will NEVER bite my tongue about something I think is wrong. I've turned into someone who craves sex more than sanity. And why? I had so much peace. I can't explain to you how peaceful life was. So now I move on. I grow. I look at my past and realize that my present doesn't want the me of Saturday & I try my hardest to live being me. The real kind.

Where are your eyes?

"Your generation would rather be famous for 2 weeks than be successful and unknown for a lifetime, it's tunnel vision, it's all about glitter, no one realizes the long term effects of short-term gratification"

A few days ago, I was confronted with my past. 1st thought what the **** was I thinking?? I lied when I said there's things in life I don't regret. I regret the things I block from my mind. I can't tell you where my mind was I was 16. As with everything in life, I took today as a learning experience..

*WARNING* I'm about to offend some people.

Today, more than ever I realized that tunnel vision may be one of the worst things people suffer from. You only see the things you want and never see the things you need. When I started college I wanted to have fun. I wasn't worried about a degree or a career. I was living in the moment. By sophomore year, I realized college "fun" was somewhat over rated. After you meet 25 people who have been in college for 6 years, you start to think differently about "the experience". Of course I gave myself other reasons to f-ck up *TUNNEL VISION*. I was so0o0o worried about falling in love, I forgot about personal success.. let's be honest I forgot about myself completely. Flash forward to now, I meet guys who define themselves by Greek letter organizations, college achievements, or their material possessions and I'm instantly turned off. No lie, the year you cross you can go hard but being 32 and counting your frat as your proudest achievement makes you lame.. you get no cookie. I haven't encountered too many women who define themselves by letters BUT they do define themselves by who they are/were smashing.. still LAME.

It's amazing how we only see what we want to see. How many times have you done something because in that moment or at that age it was ok? How many outfits have you later regretted? (5 I don't do trends much). Tunnel vision keeps you in the situation you're most comfortable in and forces you to see nothing but that thing. If you step outside the tunnel, you have nothing. I don't know about you but I have to have something in any situation. Before making decisions think about 10 years from now 2020 really isn't that far away. Moving forward, what do you see?

Preaching to the Problem

Dear educated negro,

You are the problem. And I'm preaching to the problem.

Love,

Me

I question what happened to this so called "Talented Tenth" over and over again. "We" were supposed to be the ones that lifted up the other 100 million, and somewhere... we fell off. I've been blaming my parents generation forever the 60s babies who were my age in the 80s were straight wack. MY generation is so consumed with self and impressing people that they can't do community service if a cameras not around or in the case of alot of girls I know they're trying real hard to be on line.. #shade! I volunteer & I'm not asking for a cookie, I donate BUT it's NOT enough.
Talking to my best friend yesterday, she expresses her disgust for the Blindside and such. Then I hit her with it.. We rarely argue but she needed to be hit. "We" as the better off, more educated say its a shame but never help. I don't know how many of you saw the Blindside but the whole relationship started because it was cold outside and LeAnn wondered why he didn't have a coat. Me personally if I would have seen that big black fool in shorts and a striped shirt I'd say "he on something its too cold, I mean why else would he have on shorts". I'm not compassionate enough to look at a black kid and see some good. Now I dare you to be honest with yourself, how often do you see the good in people you don't know?? Especially those you view as less than you. The greatest problem we have as the educated "middle class" is that we shun those who look like us but don't act like us.
Everybody wants to be mad at the "white man" when we aren't helping the black man. You talk solutions all day everyday but revolutionary speech is as pointless as virtual masturbation. I'm so tired of talking about what to fix. If you see a kid with no shoes, buy him some. If you see someone who looks down talk to them. The solution isn't a million man march. It's a million men mentoring a boy and teaching him to become a man instead of letting tv raise kids and then complaining about crime.
"We" run from the other kind. I'm not going to the hood. I hate ghetto people. These are all things I say daily weekly monthly. How am I helping? How are you helping?
I believe with my whole heart that Tyler Perry & Spike Lee would make a movie for every single black person who helped a black person outside their family succeed. Tyler Perry will produce anything.. Madea might be in it but hey.. you complained about the Blind Side.

So here's your solution: SHUT THE FUCK UP! Go help the kids down the street with their homework. Guys if you a young kid that you know isn't going the right way, tell him your story show him the way. Ladies, act like ladies and show the next generation of girls that they're more than their bodies. Stop turning away from people who look like you but don't act like you. Stop inviting me to speech on issues, invite me to work on issues. Don't map out a plan for action take action. Jesse Jackson been talking for years he ain't even organize the march at Jena Michael Baisden did. Talk is cheap. GO HELP!

In the end..

My obituary means alot to me... of course I say this often. That being said when it's all over how will people remember me? Marilyn for example, I think she's a sex symbol & misunderstood. The mentor (to be explained at a later time) thinks Marilyn was a drug addicted slut.
Point being why worry? At the end of the day people will think what they wanna think no matter what you say or do. I wake up every morning & I think "I don't need this, I don't need this & I don't need this"
There are so many things in life that don't make me happy, things that I'm completely indifferent about. Why live with things you don't care for? So I quit it feels good. If it doesn't enhance my quality of life or mankind maybe I shouldn't take part in it. I enjoy helping people. I like to kick people up the ass and force them to live to their full potential it's my passion. I should only do what I'm passionate about because in the end that's all that matters. Stuntin on dem hoes won't get me to heaven so the choice is clear...

Challenge

There's this game I play with myself before making major decisions about my life. I say how will this effect your obituary? My obituary is like one of the most important things to me... Why? It's the last message you send to the world. When my great great great grandkids wanna know who I was or what I did they can google my obituary. My personal mission is to do something that impacts someone who is not in my family or my friend. Last night when I watched the Blind Side, I thought Leanne Toughy may never be remembered for being a great mother to her own children but she will be remembered for having a loving heart & accepting someone into her life that she had no reason to.
That's amazing. That's what life should be about, not your car or your house but about uplifting and inspiring. I lose sight of what's important but everytime I fall off course I realize it. Who do you really wanna be? Is there a defintion for you? Are you defined by your car & your clothes? Who are you really?
The challenge is to define yourself without material things... it's hard but try it. And you hate the defintion it's not too late to rewrite it!

Toxic People

"A bitter root produces a bitter fruit.."

Toxic people are the people who pollute your life so much that you lose sight of yourself and become bitter. I've witnessed many toxic people lately.. Happiness is something that is aquired through hard work, love, faith and the desire to truly be happy. Tearing down everyone you encounter isn't the way to be at peace with yourself. Some many people try to kill your dreams & tell you what you aren't capable of because they don't see how it can happen. Small minds have small ideas..

A plane weighs like 2 tons yet it defies gravity... The internet makes no sense.. No one thought Bill Gates was a genius at first he was just a nerd. Electricity is something that can rarely be explained. No one thought any of these ideas would be successful. People didn't even think telephones were logical.

Nothing that is genius is logical. You know how many times I've been told I wouldn't succeed?? You know how much I make vs how much the people who told me I couldn't succeed make??? I don't have a degree yet I'm doing better than them... why? Because I believe in the art of positive thinking.

That being said toxic people will tell you that you have to pray for the better & prepare for the worst... if you believe in God that logic is retarded. If you believe in Jesus you believe that a virgin had a baby... pause for a while think about that.. see my point?

There is no logic in religion, theres no logic in success just a goal to succeed... Stop polluting the world!!

Stop discouraging people, Stop discouraging yourself, Stop saying what can't be done...

Doubt is the reason you're broke...

Truly kind gesture

Yesterday I went to eat alone in B.R while I was there I saw this woman. I'm sure all my LSU readers have encountered her she's bald and has some disablitiy or mental illness. She's never asked me for money, I've never even seen her begging but she's always around and in some trance like stage. Yesterday, she was having lunch with this middle aged well-dressed white woman. The woman [white lady] didn't seem to want attention, there was no camera crew, she was just doing something kind. I was touched. It's so rare to see a truly kind gesture from someones heart. This woman didn't seem to gain anything from buying this other lady lunch she just did. It makes me wanna do something... asap

2 cents

So yesterday I was kinda sad and prayed about whether or not I should keep doing this and this morning after the 2nd blog I looked at how much money I made and it was 2 cents.. so I decided to keep blogging because God put his 2 cents in LOL. I haven't made money in like 6 days... BAD FANS.

Me ME MEEEEEE

Someone great said if you could take all the time and engery you wasted on others and put it back into yourself, how great would you be? I would be beyond fantastic. I'd be the greatest most awesome-est. Giving is good. Being nice is good but sometimes you don't give yourself the saem attention you give others. If I wasn't so worried about that nigga I mighta be sober more often. If I didn't care about what them hoes thought of me I probably wouldn't have wasted time doing all that mean shit to them. Sidebar God takes that revenge stuff seriously... don't even worry with it... God's gonna get em. God scares me straight up. Revenge is wild... I'm only focusing on me... me me me

Recession or Jubilee

My daddy is a pastor... People don't know that.


The idea of a recession is b.s to me. I think rich people who scammed everybody and took advantage of everyone trying to live the "American Dream" finally got payback. Poor people are the least effected by this so called recession. The funny thing is that rich people put fear into poor people. They gae poor people the idea that they were losing something. How many people in the hood invested in the stock market? Seriously, If you research recessions a little tiny bit. You'll release that they always end when creative people create new ways to make money or to make life pretty. The internet and Windows ended the last recession. Funny how both Bush's put us in a recession...

In the bible the years are Jubilee were every 7th year the 15th year and the49th or 50th year. I think in order to make crocked places straight the jubilee has to come. Right now the people suffering are ones who believe they have to. Change your mindset and change everything.

• In Deuteronomy 15:1-18, the seventh year is called the LORD'S release, and all debts are to be forgiven. The reason for this law is to relieve the poor.
  
• Exodus 21:1-6 describes how Hebrew servants were to be released in the seventh year, unless they voluntarily desired to be lifelong servants.
  
• Deuteronomy 31:9-13 says that the Law is to be read at the end of the seventh year, at the Feast of Tabernacles. This would ensure that former debtors and servants were properly taught God's Law so they might not have to become poor again.

Source:

http://www.biblestudy.org/bibleref/holy-days/jubilee-and-the-sabbath-year.html


You thouht I was big buko dumb huh...

Grateful

You probably don't know this but I listen to Gospel 90% of the day. I know God. That does NOT make me better than you, that gives me no right to judge you. But it gives me one thing, the privilege to invite you to sit with me at church because I know how hard it is to start over. So Grateful- Hezekiah Walker is stuck in my head like nobody's business. I heard it when in the middle of the night and on my way to work and on pandora. Sometimes I say God if I'm doing the right thing make my song come on... sometimes it does most times I'm wrong lol!
I'm so happy today!!!

The journey (a snippet)

In 07 something bad happened. Then in 08 I started my journey of self discovery which led me to books. It oddly started with me watching sex in the city every night. Carrie always said something that made sense. Like why is it that we ignore every perfect thing in life just because we don't have a boyfriend. My life is awesome but I want stunt having a boo would be cool. One night I'm flipping through the channels mind you this is my hobby. And I see Joel Osteen, had no clue who he was but he said something and I thought oh that cool. I listened to the whole show. Then I decided to read a book my friends had all been telling me to read. The Secret. My relationship with God and my learning about the law of attraction was one in the same. I started believing good things would happen and they did. I prayed about things I'd never prayed about before and things always fell into place. I'm human though I always try to make things into things when they're mostly nothing... in those cases I ask for forgiveness. I owrked my hardest to inspire everyone around me to dream big and follow their hearts. Some people just didn't wanna join me. Most people have no idea how positive I am lol that's sad. I get annoyed with complacent people and people who try too hard I make observations about things I don't like but in no way do I dwell on them.