Complex

"If this were a canvas my emotion would bleed onto it in shades of red that got deeper until they became purple & then fade to black." -me just now

On Wednesday I was sick. I didn't have time to daydream or criticize the world, I was only allowed to live in reality it was different. Thursday was a complete blur & Friday I slept as much as I could. Today I did so much I didn't have time to think but when I had one moment to think... Luther Vandross - If only for one night. I thought about him, it hurt. I, me, myself opened the wound, as the blood began to flow no tears came. I didn't feel those emotions I thought I would. *They said his name on espn* I tried not to think of his name.... damn. I'm begging myself not to cry. I've forced myself to answer the one question I wouldn't ask myself... Who are trying to prove your point to?
I'm not ready. I'm not ready to grow up or to make adult decisions or to be something to someone that I can't even be to myself. I'm not strong. I cry too much. I love someone who loves his career more than he could ever love a person. If I had a pen and paper I so wouldn't blog this....