Find the point!

There's several things in life that I honestly don't understand. I don't know if these things are right and I'm wrong or if there is even a right or wrong in these situations. I do know that me being perplexed is never exciting....
I've blogged before about how black men are criticized for being "thugs" but society glorifies John Gotti and Robert E. Lee as if violence wasn't their means of operation as well.

I wanted to just write and not have it be a list but I think a list is in order...

This summer in my business writing class the teacher said space and graphic highlights make people pay more attention so yeah...

Search & Rescue

"I am my own worst enemy" has to be just about the realest thing I can say about myself and Love. I have trouble seeing why people can Love me. I cant shake that it could be genuine. I cant shake that every woman isn't the same. Too often Afraid to put my heart on the line, Too often afraid to totally lose myself in someone and trust them with my heart. Maybe this is where everyone feels that the asshole part of me comes into play."

I think I just lost the person who loved me more than anyone else ever has, but the sad shit is I overlooked all this shit & didnt realize how much I loved her until she was fed up. I really dont know how long I expected her to stay around without giving her my complete devoted attention. Anything I needed or anytime i Needed her there she was there. All she wanted was the same in return. A friend told me today that I go into self destruct mode anytime someone really cares about me. I couldnt agree more. Another friend told me that the Animals who fight evolution become extinct. The way I handle love i probably should have been there by now.

The Recap

I haven't been blogging like I used to... I've been busy doing nothing... It's quite sad... Twitter has replaced my beloved blog. NO longer... less tweets more blogs.. Moving along!

It's moments like this, times like this when you look at life and say who are you? I won't tell you I'm unhappy. Happiness is a personal creation. It's the car you were given the keys to at birth and you decide whether you drive or live in park...

The problem before was that I was complacent, I saw the problem and that "Nah maybe next year"... Now the problem is my growing need for instant gratification.. I want it NOW. All of it everything. I'm writing down my pulse so I can remember that my heart beats.

I have alot to write about... Sanity slapped me this morning it was kinda cool... She said "what are you doing get up."

Maybe it wasn't exactly like that but you know... I'm moving again... wheels turning... forward motion

A list stereotypically defined as being ran-dumb:

1. That picture that's how I feel today, like the Miseducation of Lauryn Hill is the only song in existance...
2. I realized the people who know me at this moment have NO idea who I was...
3. I have a "hit list" of guys I want to sleep with before I die no famous people
4. Anyway I started a flirty convo with one of them and... well
5. I've never been so disappointed in MY LIFE!!!!
6. We didn't have sex I saw it and I cried
7. It's just easier for me to write a list
8. We're talking about sex...
9. I think if you're not in the mood but you really like him you should spit all over his dick and just suck it for a minute or two.
10. I don't like giving sex advice because I'm kind of a prude. BUT a slutty prude.. I act slutty but yeah whatever!