Remember the things that make you smile....

It was 2006 and I fell in love. I adored Amy Winehouse. NOT rehab, I actually hate that song. I loved Frank. It was raw. I still love Frank. It's an amazing album.

I finally stopped crying long enough to listen to Frank... & the greatest moment of my day came when "in my bed" came on... My thoughts exactly...

Oh. Baby. Do. It

1. Fuck hard! I mean why wouldn't you!
2. When it doesn't rain it's too hot but when it rains it pours.
3. AGAIN, real hoes are the ones you've never heard of. Men keep real hoes a secret and publicly degrade ducks without morals. I can't make this shit up!
4. I'm always motivated to write when I'm not close to my laptop.
5. Back in the day, dudes protected women from excessive shade. Discretion works to every ones advantage. Hoes will in fact hoe more when it's a secret.
6. Feather earrings scare me.
7. I can't say I really care about Casey Anthony... I mean it's wrong it's really wrong but bad things happen a lot.
8. Focusing on being a good person will get me further in life than focusing on other peoples fuck ups. That's insensitive to some but real to all.
9. I get tired of talking about love. It'll happen. But complaining about it doesn't make it happen faster.
10. My booboo said #shade is too small we have to throw Oprah Oak... *follow me camera*
11. "She only denies fucking him because we said he was lame" << Ma'am if you want to fuck lames we don't care!!! I mean you're happy.
12. It's funny when people are shamed of their fuck friend.
13. There's an illusion that if you talk a lot you care. It ain't true!
14. You ever go on Facebook and look at your hood friends friends??? Them broads!!!! HIL-ARIOUS!!!!
15. I saw one girl with a full mustache and a lacefront. I was DEAD!

I'm done LOL!!

The answer minus the questions

Everyone has a bad day... Or week. Sometimes you have a shitty month... But how do you turn it off. Everyone says cheer up NO ONE says how... So here's your answer NO questions!

Those closest to me know that last year I suffered from some serious depression. And all I did was talk about it. THAT'S THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO! I believe in the law of attraction. The law states that like attracts like. The simplest way to explain it is that your thoughts become the things in your life. You attract what you think about most and if all your thoughts are consistently on the things you hate... Everything you hate dominates you! It's kind of hard not to talk about what's wrong. BUT dwelling on what's wrong only gives you more issues.  

Consistent...

I dream CRAZY shit. I can't tell everyone my dreams but if you know what I dream... you know it's CRAZY! A few weeks ago I had a dream about EVERY type of elevator I've ever seen. You ever notice when you're about to figure out the point of your dream you wake up? Or maybe I'm crazy. I need a new vision board. Time to re-write my goals. I see me moving in a new direction!!  

But it's so simple...

The hoe tips tumblr is HILARIOUS! Bro tips NOT so much.

Anyway, people are stupid throw rocks at them. It's amazing how people spend 23 hours a day worrying about shit that won't happen. Why is it that people are more concerned with what someone else is doing than improving themselves? Self improvement is a beautiful DO IT!!!  I hate other people. I like talking about myself. Call it what you want but I get tired of talking about other people. I'm a fucking genius! And I'm hilarious! I've devoted my life to me... Try it!!

But this is normal...

The other night I had a conversation with one of my favorite re-runs. In this conversation, he's reassuming me that he's not a club rat anymore. How many times have I heard that!!! But the conversation made me think... Not about what he said but about what I said.

Re-run (trev-inition)- a show you've seen before, in most cases a ex; can also refer to a situation in life that feels too familiar.

Conversation goes as follows... (edited of course to conceal identities)

Connoisseur Of You

Slow sensual twirls of the tongue, or Fast, furious & fucking sloppy.....
Which way do I want to eat that?

Aggressive moves to get her wet, pull her by the inside of her waist
of whatever she has on. Drop to my knees, unbutton or pull at clothing like I have never got it before. Before you come out them panties, I cant wait so I pull them to the side & prop one of your legs up on my shoulders. Inner thigh kisses and slow kisses from thirsty lips have you ready to grab my head & shove my face up in it.

You try to guide me by the hair but hold up I'm not done teasing you. Good shit isn't rushed and the anticipation is half the nut. Not so quick to shove my tongue in it. Ill just slurp on the top of your clit. So much going on I can't seperate My spit from your fluids. So Ill continue but grab you by the back of the neck, turn you around and make you put that ass in the air at the edge of the bed.

As I eat slower, harder, faster, more gently you throw it back & let me know the spots you want my tongue to hit. You turn slightly on one side just to free a hand to grab my head as you shake & erupt in my face...you go numb.

Lets hit the shower and get that bitch dirty.
Dont be a half assed lover. You gotta eat that pussy.
But here's the thing, If you wouldnt kiss her, dont eat that pussy.

Hate Much???

In all my years I have never looked at another mans girl & asked myself "How did he get her?" I think it is the ultimate sign of pussy for a man or woman to look at someone else relationship and wonder how did they get the person they are with. If you were supposed to know then you would be the person.

You dont know what someone has done to secure the position they are in. That ugly nigga that has the girl you want could be giving her treatment she wants & hasn't experienced with anothr man. The ugly woman that has the man you want could be doing everything in her power to make him feel like a man every day. The successful lady with someone you dont think is successful probably only needed someone who believed in her or supported her ideas to be happy. The same with a successful man. The girl you deem the freak that has snagged a nice man may fulfill everything he wants sexually and completes him to the point he doesnt want to fuck around or lose her. She probably holds down the household too. People weigh in on other peoples relationships so much that they dont have time to take care of their own

Stop asking "Why Them?" and work on YOU

New Shoes & Naming Puppies

I'm a simply girl. I don't buy new shoes often maybe one pair every 6 weeks BUT most times I buy them & wear them once.

It's kind of like men. I buy new shoes (new-ness) every 6 weeks, I start texting maybe calling but by week 4 I usually tap out. I get bored or they seem more ugly it's always something! But then there's those comfort shoes those slippers no one ever sees you in! Those are the best! Which leads me to naming puppies.

Just Move On

How to get over someone? The only conclusion I could find.

People always tell you to move on. Like it's the easiest shit in the world. But it's not!

I always wonder how I do the stuff I do. In retrospect like how did I change my grandpa's diapers? The thought is just yuck to me! But I did it daily. You do what needs to be done when it's time. If you don't have the strength it's given to you but you have to want it real bad.
So how do you get over someone you once loved? You un-love em thats all! Lol! No really! You start dwelling on the hurt, eventually you realize that only makes you hurt more. Then you vent & eventually you realize that only makes you vent more! Then something happens. You get a hobby or an interest. You discover something & it changes your days. Most people have a routine & if love was a part of that routine something is now missing. So to fill the void you do something. The first thing is probably a bust. But the next thing is that thing!!

The worst thing anyone can ever do is dwell on what they don't enjoy/love! If something hurts think about something that doesn't hurt. My favorite analogy for all things heart break involved is "Remember your first love & how bad it hurt when they left? You got over it didn't you? & you keep getting over things. It's not the end of the world"
But then what if it's not that serious!? What if the person you have sex with has someone new?

You didn't love them! That's first! Second, you don't really "need" them per say. So, you devote the time you used to spend with them to a hobby. Read books, get drinks with friends, write a blog! Call an old friend! Whatever you do don't dwell on getting dumped. & eventually it gets easier then before you know it... New fuck buddy!!!!

Another Jake: A big dick without a brain

I haven't really had the desire to blog about my sex life. But after stumbling upon this new site Single Girl in the Suburbs I thought hmmm writing about fun stuff is fun. Don't get excited it's not that awesome.
As with most men I like he's gorgeous! His physical features make my mouth water in a frightening way. I think my dream man looks like him & I never knew it. So, I watched him for a month in my typical stalker fashion. Then when the moment came I said hi. Nothing major! Random text convo for a few months, fucked on the first date. Typical me shit!

But it's not my fault! He's generic. He's gorgeous. He's a whore. He likes what every other black 20 something man likes, he dresses like everyone else, his interest are basic, his upbringing was just like everyone elses. I tried I PROMISE I tried, I talked to him about my interest, hobbies and some random pop culture references. He didn't know SHIT!!! When a guy says "Damn you smart like you know everything", he automatically moves from romantic interest to "oh yeah he fucks good".  He wants to be popular because that's what everyone else does. While his appearance is refreshing everything is a yawn. He's so unoriginal I didn't even bother giving him his own nickname. Just another Jake... But no lie the dick is great.

Kim Jones

Funny story I explain everything but I didn't explain this...

Kim Jones (trev-intion)-- A lifestyle that commands respect; to be sexual without having sex; to run shit; to be original; to never give anyone elses words power over your life; to say nasty shit because I can; to be considered a slut because of what you say not the number of people you've been with

Now, many are confused and some ask why I call myself Kim Jones. Some people think it's me paying respect to Kim & Sam Jones BUT Kim's last name is Jones. To understand what I mean when I say Kim Jones, you have to first understand the history of women in rap & hip hop. In the beginning, women acted as men with no sexual identity. Salt & Peppa changed all that. They owned their sexuality not a slutty way but in a way that said I'm a woman I have sex it's not your business & you have no right to judge me. Around the same time, Queen Latifah was telling men to respect her mind because she was more than a pussy. Yo-yo was telling dudes we could play the same games they could but no woman ever said suck my dick.

Hello puppet

I get so tired of people not understanding what's going on. Rappers are on tv BUT that doesn't mean they're wealthy. That means their "popular". The flaw in negro logic is that popularity is equated to success I could show you the top 25 people on the Forbes lit & you'd say who the fuck is that. I want you to think beyond the things you are shown!!! You shouldn't aspire to work for someone you should aspire to OWN! Why is everyone so cool with following the status quo? You only do what your told, you live the way they want you to live... You don't question SHIT!! Right now you reading this and saying "yeah she's right" cause you believe everything you see!! It's all flawed.

I'm not telling you , you're wrong. I'm telling you you're dreaming too small. There's so much that hasn't been done that won't be done because you keep limiting yourself. I criticize because when I tell you I love you, you take me for granted and keep doing dumb shit. So when I call you a stupit duck, you feel offended, you start thinking critically, you actually reflect on your actions!! I'm pretty well planned... I know how you work!

Anything is possible when YOU stop saying what YOU can't do!!!

Yeah... I just $#!++ED on em...

The opinions expressed in this blog post are the OPINIONS of this blogs owner at any time if you do not agree with these opinions you can close the web browser it's really simple there's an X click it!

The rude list is just a compilation of my opinions on rumors and shit I read on twitter etc. It's not meant to target any certain people only because each thing applies to at least 5-6 people I can think of. BUT of course people think they mean SO much to me that I would honestly devote a blog post to them. And to that I respond BITCH PLEASE!

Why the f**k is you worried about it!!

Again, I ask why the f-ck is you worried about it???

All day everyday the social network community focuses on "issues" that don't have sh-t to do with nothing!!! And I ask again and again... Why the f-ck is you worried about it??? I'm not talking about the funny stuff. The funny stuff is GRRRRRRR-eat!! It's these "issues" that aren't really "issues".

Examples:

Or I could fall asleep...

There's so much you can do!!

When's the last time you jumped off a cliff? Oh never. Well that's no fun! I don't believe in everyones dream but I never discourage people. I think it's easier to live in fear than it is to take a risk. If you fail SO THE FUCK WHAT!? People fail all the time. No one remembers your failure after you succeed. No one who ever got it right got it right the first time and if they did they got something else wrong somewhere too. If we were meant to live life. Why not take the risks??? If you fail you'll have fun doing it!! Snooki got paid $32 thousand dollars to give a speech at Rutgers!! You think she lives in fear. NOPE!!! No one knew Jersey Shore would be successful but she's famous for being herself. Follow your heart. Live your dreams LOVE LIFE!! PRAISE GOD! Don't forget the last part.

Summer Stuff!! Victoria's Secret Edition!!

You know I adore womanhood and all the great things she has to offer so here goes!!!

If you know me you know I worked at VS for 3 1/2 years so I love love their stuff I know it's good and I stand behind it.

Weekend Ugly

Writing on the weekends is kinda pointless. Everyone is too busy partying but hey... some one is gonna read it!Just a few points that aren't meant to be on the rude list. I'm still working on the second rude list don't worry it's coming!! Hopefully Monday!!!

1. We move so FAST!!! You ever noticed that you want life to move at the speed of twitter...When do we slow down? It's like we rush and rush but then we remind ourselves the only things worth having are worth working for. Why is no one patient anymore? Self included.

2. I say this all the time and no one listens. The most effective way to end an argument... SILENCE! If you consistently ignore someone in essence they're talking to themselves. If your opponent is weak, just ignore em. Someone tried to start an argument with me recently, I smiled and said go buy a face! I'm quite rude...

3. If Bill Clinton had the greatest economic polices of the last 20 or so years why don't we reuse his policies??? I really can't understand that. It makes no sense. Clinton gave poor people more money and which in turn helped the entire nation. So we are we still trying to do this failed ass Bush trickle down effect bullshit!!

4. Why do people always call you when you're trying to take a nap?? Is there like a signal that goes to peoples brains that says "She's sleeping now is the time to annoy her" And people call for the DUMBEST shit while you sleeping. "Hey you got gum" BITCH what!? I wish I could make this up.

Just so you know...

Most of the time, I'd say a good 99.9% of the time when someone is ranting or truly angry with no sarcasm involved. EVERYONE is laughing!!! You're true anger should be expressed to the person! Or through a funny story. But when you get dead serious, We laugh!! I thank you for being dumb. Just know what you're trying to do isn't being done!!!

The Dichotomy of Self

Websters defines dichotomy as something with seemingly contradictory qualities.

People (self included) judge you based on your views but most of us are two people. When judging it's so easy to forget how complex we are as people. Almost everyone I know has a moral conscious side that is a truly good person. That person has a strong relationship with their family & spirituality. That's the person people want to show most often. While that side isn't super cool outside Sunday morning. It's the person everyone really wants to be.
On the other hand those same people have a vice! For some it's sex (ME!) for others it's partying and alcohol, for most it's an obsession with materialism. & all of those things combined can be a vice too. It's this part of you that feels so good!!! It's wrong it's dead wrong BUT it's so GOOD. It's glamorized in pop culture. Everything we see says "Give into your vice. Vice is sexy. You wanna be sexy don't you? You want people to like you!!" It sucks so much!!

How can one be considered real or fake when everyone is multi-dimensional?