Formal Letter of Resignation

The day I bought Back to Black, I was mad at Big. I don't even think I was talking to Hov. But as time went on I said if we ever ended this would be our song. So it has ended. And this my final thought... Closure of some sort but not really, if you never get married you can't get divorced. What is a break up anyway? A reason to have make up sex? But I don't wanna make up this time. It's better that I leave. & also STOP thinking I'm like in love with Hov YEAH you sir.. this is all.

Amy Winehouse- Tears dry on their own

All I can ever be to you,
Is a darkness that we knew,
And this regret I've got accustomed to,
Once it was so right,
When we were at our high,
Waiting for you in the hotel at night
I knew I hadn't met my match,
But every moment we could snatch,
I don't know why I got so attached,
It's my responsibility,
And you don't owe nothing to me,
But to walk away I have no capacity
He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And in your way, in this blue shade
My tears dry on their own,
I don't understand,
Why do I stress A man,
When there's so many bigger things at hand,
We could a never had it all,
We had to hit a wall,
So this is inevitable withdrawal,
Even if I stop wanting you,
A Perspective pushes true,
I'll be some next man's other woman soon,
I shouldn't play myself again,
I should just be my own best friend,
Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men,
So we are history,
YOUR shadow covers me
The sky above,
A blaze only that lovers see
I wish I could say no regrets,
And no emotional debts,
Cause that kiss goodbye the sun sets,
So we are history,
The shadow covers me,
The sky above a blaze that only lovers see,
He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And in you way,
My deep shade,
My tears dry

I went there

I'm listening to Marvin Gaye's classic, Let's get it on. I can't help but laugh. It happened ladys and gentleman. No nasteeee details...

I was sober.

But he won't say

Hov: I got the voicemail. A lot of people love you.
Me: But are they YOU?
Hov: shouting
Me: Avoiding the question as usual

And he still hasn't answered. He's so perfect, yet the flaws he shows are ridiculous. Just answer the fuckin question... yes, I love you or no, I don't love you. Either way I don't die... You like me like me... clearly you're reading the blog. Hov loving or not loving me won't change my feelings towards him. He's the bomb diggity... I enjoy diggity. It's realy fucked up, I vent my thoughts & love over the internet while he hides behind clever one liners that never mean shit. I'm so tired of being the predator... Can a bitch be the prey?

Say Hello..

I'm sitting here thinking about Jay-Z (the real one) and the last album wasn't so horrible but the first 3 times I heard it, I hated it... It's what I do, things have to grow on me. Say hello is probably the only song that stuck out to me the first time I heard it, something about it was familiar. [back to the present] I'm thinking of this song and all of a sudden
I realize Hov is was flawed.

Hov is far from perfect but I blocked all these segments of time from my mind because he's not that guy anymore. I think we just had our first real argument because I told him I remembered. I wanna cry... I'm so soft I cry for everything... I hate me.

Me and Hov smashed before we knew each other well, that was part of the problem. I can't say it but he wasn't Mr. Perfect. He was Mr. Can't get Right. He had many flaws. I've watched him grow, I am so happy to know the man I know now but that boy, BAD BAD BAD BAD. Hov was worse than Jake. He wasn't disrespectful or rude but on my bad scale Jake would be dumped for Hov's actions. I think he's mad because he thinks that all of a sudden I'm gonna change...

[SHITBRAIN if I was willing to tolerate "that" when I met you and had no reason to be attached to you, now that I am attached to you, nothing changes... stop confusing me with them other bitchs you know I hate stereotypical black women and I don't act like them... but I wanna slap you a lil bit for being mad]

Which leads me to my next thought: Is the dick that good?? Or maybe I love you? But maybe just maybe... [beast in dem sheets]

How old are we?

I decided to re-post this because its real. I don't take advice from girls my age all they know is what I know. I talk to grown women and grown women say men don't mature until their mid 30s. Why are people rushing? I need at least $100,000 saved before I talk about marriage!

I've had this conversation a few different ways over the last week. And it always ends the same way I'm 23 not 43. I talk to my mother about the real shit in life no one wants to tell you. And she told me that the more I get to know myself the less I'll like other people. It's true. She also said I won't know myself until I'm 40. DAMN! I can't lie somedays I'm in a big rush to be boo'd up. Not because it honestly appeals to me but because everyone else has a kid or a boyfriend... I don't even have a puppy. Then I remember I never bought my own house/car/television. I play grown with Gail's money. I don't wanna leave my mama to go to a man I gotta be independent for at least a year. Which brings me to....

Focus:

Men: Career, success, bragging rights, a relationship

Women: A man, The rights to talk about him 24/7, the "lifestyle", career, success

The best block quote ever:

There's more to life than having a boyfriend or bitching about a boo. If
women put half of that energy into being successful Lil Wayne would never get
laid and Sheree would have her own mansion. Seriously these girls need to
realize men don't commit in their early 20s and if they do they're either lame,
broke, ugly, small dicked, not worth being in a relationship with, cheating on
you or all of the above - my only friend in high school

Women focus on the wrong thing first. Women could be more successful than men if the focus was there. Its obvious as hell par example I wrote 3 blogs about hov meanwhile he's on twitter talking about getting money and the conditions of society.... my focus is off. I love me some Hov like fat kids love cake. I still want the money, the cars and the clothes before him. I want to reach a certain level of success before I go into full on submission. But women trap the man then start worrying about personal success. I want too much. I don't have kids because I'm selfish. It's me me me me. And depo is the best birth control ever. I know I can't change peoples mind it's just a thought to ponder... We aren't old and we don't know shit... so you rushing to grow up?

I doubt it but

Hov: You know 1/2 your friends wanna do me?
Me: which half?
Hov: I mean you make me sound perfect on the blog.
Me: But when I talk to my real friends about you they know your flaws. I just can't blog your flaws.
Hov: Well you gotta stop making me sound perfect

He ain't perfect! He's gained about 25lbs since I met him. LOL! His lips are really soft I'm always afraid I'm gonna hurt em. When he gets mad he goes for blood. He's not just an asshole he's nice with the asshole-ness.
So yeah... you happy?

The Mystery

Nobody I blog about knows who anyone else I blog about is. I like it that way. I respect my friends and everyones trust is important to me.
It's funny actually Hov is trying to figure out who Gretchen is and Gretchen is pissed cause I never told her who Hov was. These 2 are hilarious.

Gretchen: Umm so who is this boy you always talking about? I don't know him. That's messed up.

Hov: Gretchen Rules! I think I saw a picture of you 2 one day when I was stalking you. (So he likes me likes me and not just likes me... giving yourself away dude... and I like it)

[Note: Hov's never seen Gretch. Don't go through my facebook trying to figure out who people are because they aren't those people.]

Backwards day

Today felt strange from the time I woke up until now... mostly now
Today I didn't talk to Hov once. I'm worried. But I figure he's with his friends [or a lady] dude is fly I know he's not "waiting" on me. Today I talked to b.b.u on the phone (I don't really like talking on the phone.)
I used to love to talk on the phone then I realized texting meant I could multi task. Talking on the phone requires devoting all your attention to that person (for me at least) because if you're watching television or reading you miss the conversation. If I call you feel lucky it means I want to devote my attention to you. Another reason I don't talk on the phone I always get off subject and never finish the damn story just like NOW.
Back to the point.. He called me. My heart got all butterfly-ish. I smiled from ear to ear and when he said my name I could remember the way his mouth looked during every syllable. I miss him alot. He's 90% of my fantasy thoughts. No one understands us hell I don't understand us but I love that dude flaws and all. For some strange reason I don't think he's got another girl maybe I'm naive.While I have another pretend relationship and love for someone else #1 is #1 and nobody gets that twisted ever.
Today Mr. Can't get right did something perfectly and Mr. Perfect dropped the ball....
Strange day.....

The man vs. The boy

I'm softer than kleenex. Last night I cried. Good thing Hov is amazing. I owe him. I should cook him dinner or something. Whatever I do it'll be good. I still can't believe I cried that much. I'm a soft tearful loser.
The difference between Hov and B.B.U is age mostly well maturity really. Because when I met Hov he was b's age and he had the same inconsistent habits. He was late for everything. He said he'd be there in 5 minutes and never showed up. Then Hov grew up and the man is perfect. So am I supposed to wait for B to grow up? I feel like I've been waiting forever for that. In every situation I'm always giving more than I'm getting. I think it's my nature. I'm always willing to give 60 and get 40. I'm about to cry right now.

The Tale of Hov

I met Hov in 2006. I was outside crying about b.b.u he always did something wrong. Then my mom pissed me off the same day. I was so angry. I'm venting to Antione (see when I talk about you I say your name ok boootch). He [hov] was with his friend. His friend is cute but he just didn't do it for me... but that tall dude with the Yankee hat on... he did it for me. He didn't run game on me he felt sorry for me because I was so upset... I felt wack. He told me he was gonna be my best friend... I thought not. My underwear got happy the first time he pronounced my name the right way. We have this rare thing... it's a crotch magnet... Everyone I know has told me they've met one person who they can't keep their hands off. For me that is Hov.
2 years ago we tried to watch football together I sat on the other side of the room and I left after 10 minutes I couldn't handle it.

Dear Hov,
You kinda own my vag.... :-(

You me and Hov (possibly Jake)

I have this calculation that holds true for 95% of women and ME. In college there's 50 guys you give your number to half get past one conversation. 10 get past 2 weeks. And 3 occupy at least a year... My 3 won't go away. I don't run from them but when I'm really really NOT dating anyone they appear... now Hov & b.b.u are definitely my pretend boyfriends. I LOVE THEM. I often question if it's possible to love 2 guys but hell yeah it is. You may be wondering how the boyfriends are pretend... they don't I "go with them". None of us live in the same state anymore so I pretend. Hov is perfect it makes me wanna barf but if he doesn't text me every morning I get sad... I'm soft and I'm dealing with it. B.B.U on the other hand ugh... if he doesn't text me once a month I get sad... he's awful at communication. And Jake... well... umm... It's like getting really really drunk... I know better. I just enjoy hood rat activity. I avoid Jake like the plaque (in person) but I love the conversation it's always crazy.
This is the question I always ponder... is it possible to be 100% single? Because we always have a crush in mind...

H to izzo V to da izza

I was thinking about the song not the person. My plans for the weekend just got flushed... brunch Sunday yay!

• Can I bribe you?
• I took my cool off 5 minutes ago
• Famous amos oreos are better than oreos
• Thai food??
• NO rouls and then a Johnny roll
• I'm tempting you aren't I
• I'd slap my mama for a snow crabs
• I think J should blog she's clearly the SHIT
• I'm lying I wouldn't slap my mama she punches hard
• Is fuckery a word?
• I wanna help Amy Winehouse get off drugs
• I'm ready to bounce!
• I hate sitting still I feel like I'm punished
• I sound real mean on print but if u called me you'd be like wtf thats what u sound like...
• I sound like a baby.
• Candice song on my pandora
• Church is the highlight of my week
• The kids are singing Sunday.... lol
• I'm not sleeping on em they just never on the same part so I don't understand what they're saying
• I wonder if church crush and his garbage g.f gonna be there LOL
• I'm so bad she had wrinkles.
• I don't know that woman (old ass)
• Why all these fat ass 30 yr old men think I want em.
• I'll gladly take a thick man but you're round
• What did he have on was that pretend linen?
• Dress socks freak me out the long ones.... ugh
• Do they make ankle dress socks?
• If you're my man you're gonna find ankle dress socks
• My co-workers are clearly bothered by the volume of my music but it's Gospel so they can't complain I LOVES IT
• I really wanna pee on someone litterally... R.Kelly did it (don't look at me funny)

Neekid headed

I forgot that I said I was naming a post neekid headed today. This should be bullets..

• I'm not afraid of people knowing who I am
• I'm afraid of exposing my heart
• I can tell you how I feel about anything
• Opinions are meant to be altered and re arranged
• If today wouldn't have happened would "we" be this honest
• They say you have to do something you've never done to get something you never had
• I never had the balls to tell the whole truth
• This is a fraction... I type and erase you don't know the half
• I hate Bobby Jindal he doesn't care about Louisiana and it disgust me
• I care about Louisiana
• And fk Ray Nagin
• I'm tired of people who claim they love New Orleans fuckin her worse the Katrina
• If I was rich I'd give back not go away
• Daddy says I'm naive to think I can change this place
• And I think "well maybe you don't practice what you preach"
• I never say it though
• I keep secrets
• Important ones at least
• If you tell me somebody said that somebody said but not to tell.... umm fuck you the world already knows
• Crackheads love me
• That night when you were late (you were always late) it was cold and I was listening to Lyfe on the parade grounds and I realized you were probably more than a friend b.c a tear came out of my eye for no reason.
• Ginfer asked me if I could love 2 people at once... still don't know
• Someone questioned how an elitist like me could fall for someone with horrible grammar
• I can fall in love with a brown paper bag if it's nice
• Plus when I was 19 I had no standards it's bad when I say that about myself but it's true
• Back to the gorgeous one
• You and the yankee hat and the beer at Chimes... well ya'll know what you can do lol
• I'm really hungry
• I wrote this list of everything I wanted in a man it's kinda short it's basic but it's unique and you
• I didn't have anyone in mind it was just words
• Crazy how you find what you always wanted while cursin about can't get right.

Mister

Every man is a mister and these are just some lol

• Mr. I can't get my shit together - He's usually the one you're in love with. He can't get a job or he can't stop lying. Maybe he just can't stop being weird. In any case everything about him would be perfect if he could just stop that one thing.
  For future reference we'll call mine B.B.U - Mr. Big Black and Ugly
• Mr. Never gonna get dem draws- He wants you he wants you real bad you know it but he just don't have that thing. He's not what you want at all. Maybe if he got you real drunk... scratch that you could smoke rocks and he still couldn't get it. I don't have one of those right now (thank God) cause all my boys are my boys and they don't want the pies (I think)
• Mr. My boys got it- He always talks about his boys in reference to his actions. My boys going so I gotta go. My boys got them shoes.... I don't have one of those because men who live to impress men get fucked in the butt. I got proof of that now so it's not just something I think. (Ed Hardy is code for on the dl)
• Mr. Smarty pants- He's probably an Alpha LOL! He wants to simulate your mind allll the time. And you get bored real bored. His sex game....blah. But he's so darn lovable. He's the kinda guy your family wants you to marry. He really is a good guy that's all anyone can say about him. (you know guys like that run from me)
• Mr. Lie about the color of the sun- He wouldn't tell the truth if he was standing at the gates in front of St. Peter. He told you he had a Charger he really has a 98 Camry. He told you he went to Tulane... google a beast he goes to community college. He said he has a house, he just forgot to mention it's his moms. The worst part about this guy is that you kinda find out he was a liar until you liked him... &#*^*#% that's me cursing
• Mr. Reliable- He's a bad bad boy. But he's got that good good goood gooooooood. He got a girlfriend & 3 main chicks. It doesn't matter he's the best plumber ever. Lays the pipe & leaves (cause that's all you asked for). For future reference I call mine Jake Steed (if you don't know don't google it at work)
• Mr. Why aren't you my boo- We love this man. NO we love this man. He's perfect. In every way but to him we're just that great friend. Same thoughts, same ideas, same facebook status' but he aint looking at you like dat.... For future reference I call mine Hov (that's buko obvious)
• Last but not least Mr. I'll never tell anyone I hit that- I'm sure guys have a girl like this. But this person seemed strange before you even got involved. You kept at it hell we only live once but they just got stranger and stranger and stranger. Then the sex was horrific. I'm so ashamed I can't give good description.... gross