Killing yourself

In relationships the single worst thing you can do is be monogamous to someone your just kicking it with. This is my greatest problem, I'm kinda old I think about the consequences of my actions etc.. So I have one smash buddy at a time. It seems logical and sane... BUT it isn't. My mother often says "bettin all ya money on one horse ain't gon win ya shit". It's a quote about sex LMFAO!
Recently I had a conversation with two people I love and respect. The conclusion was that monogamy without "titles" is suicide. I always feel like I'm doing the right thing when obviously I'm dead wrong. I don't believe in lying, but sometimes I honestly don't know the truth. I don't want a boyfriend but then I feel really bad if I have multiple fuck buddies. So I only have one. Which is death.
I'm slowly dying everyday. I've tried to run, I can't. Not to mention, Big haunts me more than the shadows in my room. It seems like the only thing I can do is run.. yet I have no reason to.
In my opinion most people stay in "relationships" because they don't see any other options. I honestly don't see any other opinions.