Idolization & Ignoring

Niggaz are backwards, niggaz confuse me. I dont take death lightly but Most niggaz are bandwagon mourners. We care more about celebrities we dont know than the person we see everyday. Celebrities do touch us through their work and its ok to feel for them. But I see a lot of people who are campaigning against senseless killing today who dont do the same everyday or in any other case. For instance Everyone is sad about Magnolia Shorty's passing.. But I see the same people screaming Free Boosie. A man who is accused of being connected with multiple murders. (I didnt say He was guilty and im not passing my judgement thats between him God and our Legal system) If we are going to care about a cause care about it all the time and not just because its the hot shit to do at the moment. Death is never funny & shouldnt be a bandwagon thing. I.e. i care about her life because they were a celebrity, but fuck the others people lives thats dead currently because its got my favorite celebrity locked up. (Logic & Reason Fucked up much?) This senseless killing between Baton Rouge, & New Orleans should be a daily campaign. Louisiana is ranked the 3rd most dangerous state in the U.S. which Im sure Baton Rouge & New Orleans have a lot to do with. So this Killing has never been a suprise. I think its disrespectful to only care some of the time.

Niggas gotta stop being a walking contradiction and if you gonna give a fuck, give a fuck all the time. I care about everyones life because i know at any given moment it could be one of my kids, family or friends.

Venus Cheating on Mars Vs. Mars Cheating on Venus

Men Lie. Women Lie. Men Cheat. Women Cheat. Women just happen to do both things a lot better & for different reasons.

Women Cheat & Lie better and are convinced that they aren’t doing either of the two if you don’t know about it. A woman can cheat lie & look you in the face and accuse you of the things they are doing and convince themselves they are innocent and have good reason to be hurt. Women cheat for simple reasons.

The Rude List

The opinions expressed in this blog post are the OPINIONS of this blogs owner at any time if you do not agree with these opinions you can close the web browser it's really simple there's an X click it!

The rude list is just a compliation of my opinions on rumors and shit I read on twitter etc. It's not meant to target any certain people only because each thing applies to at least 5-6 people I can think of. BUT of course people think they mean SO much to me that I would honestly devote a blog post to them. And to that I respond BITCH PLEASE!

As the year ends...

I really wanted to come up with some witty hilarity for the moment but I have none. 



This is typically the time where I look at life & think what did I do this year. I failed a little this year... I tried when I should have quit and I quit when I should have tired. I never really took the time to think LONG term before. I mean like the real long term. Everyone says they want to be a teacher or an engineer what ever but do they draw solid maps to those destinations? I didn't.

(sub) Par

I know EXACTLY what I'm trying to say BUT not everyone will appreciate how it sounds!

sub·par/ˌsəbˈpär/: Adjective: Below an average level

Who am I to speak on what is or isn't "average"... Probably no one... BUT will I speak on it!? Uh DUH!!!

I'm tired of sub par species feeling that they deserve more in life because they're special. Some people take that "everyone is special" shit too far.

I don't believe in boredom

Stop!! Before you read this blog read the link below!
The Female Epidemic of Boredom

We tend to die young (my dedication to Messy Mya)

R.I.P Anthony "Messy Mya" Barre

Preface: I am not outraged because he is from New Orleans, I'm not outraged because he's "famous". I'm outraged every time someone dies for a senseless reason. I was outraged when the 2 year old was murdered last month. I was outraged about the Derrion Albert situation.

WE THE PEOPLE

We as a people,(black people) Love to complain & talk about how we are always fucked over as a people, but never how we are fucking up as a people.

It’s a sad day in History after we elect a Black President that only 10% of us showed up to try & get the support he needs elected. Yet 2 days later we can all find the time to support Wayne getting out of Jail. Wayne doesn’t have the same socio-economic status as a lot of us who needed to get out and vote. He doesn’t fall into the same tax bracket, he doesn’t have the same problems. I am in no way hating on Wayne. He is a great rapper and deserves to be loved, but the real Heroes are the Politicians who try to put things in order for us go get what we need as a people overall. When I was younger Martin Luther King was the Rockstar, a person who made a difference in our way of life, not just my ears way of life.

For People of the Gulf States not to vote is just sickening to my stomach. Do Yall remember Katrina & how long it took for the Republican Ran Government to get us help. People were shot, killed, & called looters for trying to survive. If you went to another city you were a refugee and not a human being. People were so passionate about how they were being fucked over but we don’t do the right things to change what we can to set precautions to prevent it from happening again. Voting was a precaution. Obama needs a supporting cast who cares about the agenda that he is on. He cant give us the things that were promised if he is always gonna be outvoted which is exactly whats going to happen with a Republican Ran House of Representatives.

You think that voting doesn’t affect you then you are sadly mistaken. Jobs & benefits as far as welfare & healthcare will greatly be affected. If we don’t care about us then why should people who aren’t in our tax brackets care about us. It benefits them to keep you in your current situation.

Your votes count just as much as Your Tweets. In the time it took for you to go hard on a #FreeWeezy TT or any other TT you could have cast a vote to show you care about your future, your education, your health, your economic future, and the future of your kids. #FreeOurselves Its ok to be a fan but People idolize the wrong things. We have to do better

Driving around on fumes

There's no substance no structure, they just exist...

I value substance. Things that don't bother other people BOTHER me. I'm not big on wealth as an idea of financial success, I'm big on ideology. Shallow relationships scare me, shallow people scare me. If the only thing you can offer to conversation is what you read on a gossip blog or saw on BET/VH1... I'm easily bored with you.

Can You Stand The Rain?

What about the rain makes me so fuckin horny. Why does rainwater make me want to make her wet. Wet Sex is the best sex. If I like you I wont be so quick to shove in the dick. Eye fucking is sexy, I want to look in your eyes and read everything you want me to do to you. Gentle Grazing of the fingertips all along your body can tell so much. Too many don’t realize that you can easily measure the body’s response to stimuli. Lips along the back of your neck with subtle bites as you grind & throw your ass back into my dick because you feel that Im erect.

You put your hand behind you to grip my neck to pull me closer. Fingers through your hair & massage your scalp as I Cant make up my mind where to put my tongue next. Ill let your trembles guide me further. Face pressed against your neck, nibble then retreat to the center of your chest. Do I go Left or go Right, either direction takes me to a breast, but which is your favorite? Fuck it Ill show them both the same attention. Excuse me If Im sloppy but you taste so damn good. Needless to say you know ill drop be low the navel.


You know ill drink of that gulf you are producing as if I could single handedly stop you from flooding the city. I dare not waste a drop some people aren’t fortunate enough to be thrown in Oceans and have to deal with deserts. Lick, Nibble, Slurp, Swallow, The sloppier the better, but no drop goes unattended. Get up. Bathroom. Face against the mirror, lights on. Take it & watch it. Arch your back & throw it back. Fuck me then its Fuck You & since you saying Fuck Me Im gonna fuck you like there will never be another fuck you.
To be continued. We're Gonna be here for a while

Evolution, wisdom, pride...

“Wisdom ceases to be wisdom when it becomes too proud to weep, too grave to laugh, and too selfish to seek other than itself.” - Kahini Gibran

When's the last time you told a story & made yourself the bad guy? When is the last time you honestly said "I was wrong", not after a long drawn argument I mean as soon as it happened.

Respect What You Have

So I had this situation over a year ago where i was being selfish and fucking with this married lady. A lot of shit woke me up & I left it alone cause I would never want to be the nigga getting fucked over by his wife and even begged her to be faithful to him & wrote a blog about the shit last year. Out of the blue here she is again. I know better than to even second guess. I would never again be involved in such great disrespect. I respect myself more, and respect that sacred bond more. Its one of the few honorable things left between men and women.

A collection of stupid shit put together

You ever do something that reminds you of something else?
His name was monster face.. The only one night stand I ever had in  my life.. It was beyond fun. I swear I never had so many bruises in my life. It was like trophies. Gretchen judges great sex based on the amount of pain and bruises you recieve. So on the Gretch scale I was at a 9 1/2. A full blown 10 is when your ass is bright red.
Anyway I got reminded of this one night stand because NO matter how horny I get there are some guys who I just can't see myself touching. I wouldn't even let them give me head. I think I was really horny. SO I went to sleep. It's sad when I'm REALLY horny but I'd rather sleep than fuck the options I have.
Moving along, that's kind of how the Monster Face thing happened. I was annoyed with everybody and I was like well he's been trying for 3 years why not. But that boy was crazy he thought I wanted to be his girlfriend... Who am I? As if! It was just fun and funny.

Every girl I know has had a monster face type experience, sorry for bringing back the memory LOL!!

What do you want?

Men confuse me, Boys annoy me!

I've never been a fan of extremes I don't like anything that's too far in one direction lets be clear about that.

Men tell you they don't want gold diggers, then lately there's been this rant about how being independent is too much.
Men, guys, fellas, dudes...What do you want??

Should I be the kind of woman with no career goals or ambition who chases rich men for money and status? Or should I be a woman with goals and ambition who sees men as a compliment not a necessity?

The Balancing Act

More often than not a lot of relationship problems come stem from when; A. Someone feels too smothered B. Someone Feels too neglected or both.

Women who feel neglected will give you time to get your shit together, drop hints to you, or even tell you she feels unimportant or that you dont care about time with her. After she feel like shes done enough to Alarm you she will get the attention she feels she deserves even if it comes from somewhere else. She may have even been ignoring attention from someone who was much more deserving of her time than you.

Women Who feel like you are overbearing will turn to a man who doesnt show them as much attention or who doesnt have a need to have them around constantly. Lets face it sometimes less is more. And as fucked up as it seems women want what they want when they want it, so you just have to find a happy medium on how to give just enough of yourself without Giving too much.

I guess the biggest thing is that you need to pay attention to hints she drops or just little things that a woman may tell you. She will tell you what she wants in order for you to be successful with her if you only pay attention. Im not saying I have a damn Masterkey to all womankind, because NO Woman is the same. The worst thing you can do is thinking you can treat a woman this way or that she will like this because another did. Every woman is a different pokerhand, play the hand according to what you see on the table and place your bets accordingly.

Men on the other hand when faced with the same are more quickly to say fuck it and roll out.
Not enough time for him, a man will assume you are giving it to someone else and probably look eslewhere from jump.
Too Much time on your hands and always want to be clingy then he will find someone less needy. Men have far less patience than women.

The human nature is all fucked up, and its natural to be selfish. The key is recognizing your selfish ways and either change them or finding a Happy medium when you find the person you want to be with. Nothing is more powerful than communication. When you are fucking with someone you should never lose communication on common goals or on what you expect of each other.

The crossroads

Somewhere between high school and college, I changed. Something happened and what it was I was never sure. I tried to think it was my boyfriend at the time but I still had friends who did it so that wasn't a good excuse.
I guess I saw college as a whole new life... or maybe I took the promise literally...
No one really knows me, its funny I talk about a lot but not my secrets. The promise was that by the time we got to college we'd laugh at girls who did what we did in high school, shit even in middle school.
But she didn't change...

The worst kind

Most young women assume they've met the worst kind of man. A liar, cheater, woman beater etc...
But in my opinion they're all wrong!

Cash for Gold

How many of you say the words I Love You and know that you truly mean it. Though love isnt perfect every move you make, any stupid little mistake can make a person question how genuine you are. So How many of you are really in love opposed to how many of you Just love NOT BEING ALONE. Love is probably the biggest 4 letter word in the English Language, that has the deepest meaning, which is most often misinterpreted the most and which people devalue like its original meaning never existed.

Sin and Seduction

Of course I have to comment. This is my opinion it really shouldn't shape the world. It's just an opinion. BUT someone somewhere believes everything they read is a fact... moving along.... 

What you dying for?

People confuse feminist with man basher... It's different to uplift women I don't have to down men BUT to make most women see what's wrong I have to use examples.

These are things you know, things you tell your best friend, the advice you give but can't take....

Simple questions, ideas, notions....

The untold story

I keep secrets, people don't really ask so I never tell... maybe that's it. Anyway I was reminded of him so I tell you the story now...

Most people in my life right now assume I've always been Sam/Kim Jones... what they don't know is I got all that naive love shit out of the way at a very early age. I'm not bitter I just grew up too fast, in telling this story I have to force myself to be honest... too honest... Here goes:

Find the point!

There's several things in life that I honestly don't understand. I don't know if these things are right and I'm wrong or if there is even a right or wrong in these situations. I do know that me being perplexed is never exciting....
I've blogged before about how black men are criticized for being "thugs" but society glorifies John Gotti and Robert E. Lee as if violence wasn't their means of operation as well.

I wanted to just write and not have it be a list but I think a list is in order...

This summer in my business writing class the teacher said space and graphic highlights make people pay more attention so yeah...

Search & Rescue

"I am my own worst enemy" has to be just about the realest thing I can say about myself and Love. I have trouble seeing why people can Love me. I cant shake that it could be genuine. I cant shake that every woman isn't the same. Too often Afraid to put my heart on the line, Too often afraid to totally lose myself in someone and trust them with my heart. Maybe this is where everyone feels that the asshole part of me comes into play."

I think I just lost the person who loved me more than anyone else ever has, but the sad shit is I overlooked all this shit & didnt realize how much I loved her until she was fed up. I really dont know how long I expected her to stay around without giving her my complete devoted attention. Anything I needed or anytime i Needed her there she was there. All she wanted was the same in return. A friend told me today that I go into self destruct mode anytime someone really cares about me. I couldnt agree more. Another friend told me that the Animals who fight evolution become extinct. The way I handle love i probably should have been there by now.

The Recap

I haven't been blogging like I used to... I've been busy doing nothing... It's quite sad... Twitter has replaced my beloved blog. NO longer... less tweets more blogs.. Moving along!

It's moments like this, times like this when you look at life and say who are you? I won't tell you I'm unhappy. Happiness is a personal creation. It's the car you were given the keys to at birth and you decide whether you drive or live in park...

The problem before was that I was complacent, I saw the problem and that "Nah maybe next year"... Now the problem is my growing need for instant gratification.. I want it NOW. All of it everything. I'm writing down my pulse so I can remember that my heart beats.

I have alot to write about... Sanity slapped me this morning it was kinda cool... She said "what are you doing get up."

Maybe it wasn't exactly like that but you know... I'm moving again... wheels turning... forward motion

A list stereotypically defined as being ran-dumb:

1. That picture that's how I feel today, like the Miseducation of Lauryn Hill is the only song in existance...
2. I realized the people who know me at this moment have NO idea who I was...
3. I have a "hit list" of guys I want to sleep with before I die no famous people
4. Anyway I started a flirty convo with one of them and... well
5. I've never been so disappointed in MY LIFE!!!!
6. We didn't have sex I saw it and I cried
7. It's just easier for me to write a list
8. We're talking about sex...
9. I think if you're not in the mood but you really like him you should spit all over his dick and just suck it for a minute or two.
10. I don't like giving sex advice because I'm kind of a prude. BUT a slutty prude.. I act slutty but yeah whatever!

Somethings to consider

Who the fuck told you this was a good idea? I want you to ask yourself that the next time you do something you can't tell your best friend about. Those secrets that you're afraid to tell even the person you trust the most.. well boo that's some shit you know you shouldn't do.

I love danger. BUT I ain't shamed of it! I'm more ashamed when I do good girl stuff cause it fucks up my "image"! Lol! I kid. Or not.

If you ask me I will tell you. I've never been a fan of rumor I'd rather you know instead of having some crazy idea about me... BUT I'm me... moving along

Those who have the select priviledge of knowing the real you, should love you. If they don't... are they your friends??

I can't lie and say I approve of all my own decisions... for example.. I talk to Big ALOT... I may love the attention but I know it's not healthy... If I was my friend and not myself I'd curse me out about this.

I have friends who date guys who don't want anything in life it makes me sad. I just want so much better for them BUT I'm not throwing shade at them.

My biggest pet peeve with the common negro is the catty-ness. Why is she your friend if you hate everything about her? And you wonder why people don't trust you but you talk out your ass about everyone...

Bottom line is you could 5000 abortions, murder a man and rob a bank, if your friends love you... no one should know but you and them... BUT how many real friends exist...

So should we refrain from the actions or the people?

Something to think about clearly....

Good Pussy

"I think all girls with good pussy are friends, you don't think that" - Dumb Gretchen Sr.

According to all my male friends most pussy is good... Bad pussy is hairy, dry, funky, and/or WIDE OPEN! Which means more than half of women probably have a groomed, wet, fragant, and/or tight pussy.

(She told me I had to blog about this)

I think and have always thought it takes SO much to make a dick great but not much to make a pussy good. Extraordinary pussy does tricks and shit! A man has to be long, thick and have a great stroke.. A woman has to do keggles and make sure it's wet... It's really not far, we can control our good factor for men, he's either born with it or he's not... poor thang.

Which makes me think of anything, all pussy is the same you better step your personality game up!! Bitches ain't got shit to offer but they want ballers...

"Pennies looking for silver dollars, yeah you are"

This has been the post as requested. The end!

Suffocate Me

I apologize but as you sleep, I cant help but stare.
I cant help but touch, I cant help but take it there.
That panty line is calling me and your inner thigh screams for intention
Raw passion moves me lower as you are still sleeping. I move slightly lower to right behind your knees
I just love how every bit of you tastes, so dont mind if i nibble or gently suck and slurp every square inch of your brown skin
Still sleeping, i gently caress your breast, rub your nipples move my hands to your belly while tongue twirls the inside of your thighs. My nose gets closer, My dick gets harder, Hands moves to below your panties but no fingering..its childsplay. Pulling them to the side turns me on more than completly removing them. As i slightly spread your lips i feel you come alive and i know you are awake now. because my head is in a full embrace. A combination of both legs locked around my neck and one hand buried in my dreds. The slight arch in your back becomes a major one as i plunge my tongue within the depths of your vaginas soul. Im on a quest for treasure. You may think its self satisfaction but you getting you is way more important to me. I dont eat it wildly. I pay attention to how your hips thrust as i try different locations within your walls and clit. A deep tightening of all grips you hold tells me not to move. fast or slow is a trial that only needs 1 member on the Jury. Fingers gently massaging the top of your hood as I lick, slurp, suck, and swallow your river away. If i was to drown in you at this very moment, my lungs would be filled with the best death known to man. I want you to flip over so i take a detour kissing your inner, outter, back of your thighs the whole way. Face pressed in the pillow in the middle of the bed. Your side of the bed doesnt exist. at this very moment its both of ours. Face buried, hands on your breasts, ass tooted up at the perfect angle for me to continue feasting. I spread your ass apart and go back to you glory box. GPS not needed I just follow the drip. As i engulf, inhale, exhale, and twirl my tongue like there's no tomorrow, The arch in you back gets deeper. You throw it back and forth and around in my face as if you are fucking my dick back... My dick is throbbing, your juices flowing as if your Vagina was made by BP and all your Oil is breaking loose. Guess i have to be a one man National Guard. Ill catch every drop. I flip to my back and let u do your cowgirl thing and thrust you life away. you only leave your pillow momentarily to catch you breath before retreating to it again. i pull you closer,I want more. I cant help but be greedy. I think you are my favorite meal and i have an appetite for destruction right now... You let out a final scream and your body goes numb. With one final slurp. I know you've came. I dont want to fukk just yet. Shower up you have to go to work. Keep that head in your head all day. You are getting Savaged when you get off!

Happy Birthday Blog!

1. People who don't know me in real life should suck a fat dick!
2. I don't lie about things that don't matter... e.g. my past, present or future
3. "I know u gon write some shade shit"
4. I've been writing for a year now and I feel like a completely different person, my blog used to revolve around Big & Hov... now it revolves around bullshit and comedy...
5. I still have men friends I just don't write about them
6. I'm seriously listening to "Oochie Wally"... but why??
7. Nasty songs make me laugh and boost my ego... it's the hoe in me
8. Niggas is bitches too, go on brush ya shoulders off
9. I think fuckin nasty triflin niggas/bitchs is like sticking your hand in a bucket of a million peoples spit.. even if u have a rubber glove on.. why would you do that??
10. In other news, if you think something about me... ask me.. PLEASE don't assume... it makes me feel lame
11. This blogging journey has helped me to realize my flaws
12. I can be wrong.. it's ok.. I'm not prideful to say that
13. I hate pride it ruins people
14. Monogamy doesn't exist in your 20s... unless you're of a rare breed in which case GO GIRL
15. If a man has NO ambition how the fuck he gon marry you??
16. Do bitchs think before they start handing out act right??
17. Giving "ain't shit niggas"a chance has NEVER benefited anyone... moving along
18. The men who don't have shit always get mad when you want the men who have shit..
19. Let me say this again "Women like big dick and money.. do you have that??"
20. LONELY ASS!
21. Men are more bitter than women especially the ones without jobs, cars, lives, ambition... BUT they wanna drag you down...
22. Being stuck up isn't a bad thing.. what's the opposite of stuck up?? EASY!
23. I work 45 hour weeks I deserve somebody who has some shit going for them
24. If you got alot going for you why settle?
25. Them other hoe could settle
26. Any man who asks a women for money don't have a dick
27. Why are dudes so pussy??
28. I'm ranting aren't I?
29. I love myself it's not a sin!
30. Kim Jones is the greatest.

Selective Slutting

I don't consider myself a "good girl". And I only know 2 honest to God good girls. Other than that.. I know sluts. Slutting isn't horrific it's just not being a virgin. Most women have cheated, lied, flirted or slept with someone they will NEVER tell anyone they ever looked at. It's a fact!

Selective slutting is choosing who you slut with for example, some women only slut with athletes (if I do I like tackles NO skinny men), some women slut with greeks (this one time...), some women slut with guys who are dangerous (I can't think of anything), some women just slut with who ever. The shade/judgement that comes from "slutting" is male based. Men pretend they want virgins and shun women for being sexual so in turn women shun women. Men form the basis of all communication YET women refuse to re-write the books... I AM FEMINIST hear me roar! I write my own rules and make my own books... READ ABOUT ME! What's the difference between a hoe who pretends to be a virgin and a hoe who tells you she's fuckin?? One isn't hiding, the other is a LIAR!

In my line of slutting the selection process is 90% mental. With the exception of B.B.U which is also why you should never give a dumbass a chance. I enjoy puzzles.. The inner workings of a man BUT only if he's attractive. Being selective isn't always about physical appearance, but most times it is. Most women assume other women are sluts because she sleeps with someone you'd never sleep with.. or something of that nature. When truth is everyone I know has around the same number... Ya'll really need to cut that judge shit out.. cause they jury says we're all the same... Some are just more selective than others!

So yeah just cause you only fuck lames with no money and we out chea GOAL digging.. Don't be mad at us be mad at your focus boo!

At least own it

Jenna Jameson is a boss bitch. She owns her brand. Most women no matter what they do... don't own their brand. Jenna controlled who she did when she was in porn, she controlled all her publications & she got about 80% of all the profit from her films. Some people will say she's a hoe yada yada blah blah BUT how many hoes do you know that fuck for status??? At least Jenna makes money!

Most women don't own shit. They don't own themselves, their sexuality, their minds, their ideas or their money. How many times have you spent money on something because of someone else?? I am guilty! I'm not saying all women should be porn stars. I'm saying more women should OWN themselves. Most chicks don't want to own anything. They'd rather exist. It's sad really.

People won't be who I want them to be... the lack of substance in the world amazes me. People who never read or even keep up with current events have the loudest most vocal opinions. And women are the worst. My girlfriend was talking about how much shade hoes throw.. "but they still got them hair show "LV" bags and "Chanel" earrings"...  It's funny how women let things make them and most times its FAKE things...

Own yourself!

Stupidity or Selfishness?

All too often Men hide behind Stupidity as the reason we are hurting people in our lives that care about us. More than often its an excuse. I dont think i have ever really been ignorant or stupid, i just have played that way so i didnt have to take accountability for my actions. Other times ive straight up said that Im selfish and leave it up to people to still deal with me. I admit I do dumbshit not caring but its because I choose to be that way, not because I have to.

Hiding behind the fact that Im not completely ready to let go of selfish ways. Am I ready to be everything that any 1 woman needs me to be. Everything Ive been through wether my fault or that of one of these blog vixens make me a lil hesitant. I have hardly ever been one to place blame on others for my actions. Attention too little and you feel neglected, too much drives us mad...And at some point I unknowingly became an attention whore. Im just learning that at somepoint you have to be able to pass on the attention someone else is giving you. Ill never be settled or have someone put their complete faith in me if i keep being a puppy to whoever's hand is in front of me.

I tell the women i deal with in advance how I am, but it doenst make shit any better. Women rarely deal with niggaz that they dont see a challenge in. No woman wants a nigga that she can completely run over unless its one she's running over while digging deep in his deep ass bank account. Some see niggaz that say they aren't ready as a challenge. They often think they will be the ones that make that nigga ready. Honesty ahead of time is coo, and I feel like at least i let you know what you were getting into, but in the back of my head i Know that women have some reasonable expectations that they can often change a mans mind from his original agenda.

Fact is if you deal with someone long enough regardless of how you started, then eventually feelings will get involved. Who experiences them first is up in the air, but once it happens you have a responsibility to either let go, or reevaluate what yall mean to one another or reemphasize that you dont want to go anywhere with it.

So No nigga is completely ignorant of the dumb shit we do. Some just choose to play Dodgeball with this thing called love. Some just avoid getting hit with your heart longer than others. Some will Chunk the Deuce as soon as they see you aiming your heart their way. I vow to not be so stupid with the way I handle peoples feelings and will always at least be honest.

The Answer is Im not Stupid, I just need to work on my Selfishness!

Cooler than me...

1. "Your family is scum" - my girlfriend
2. Anytime anyone talks about getting fucked in the butt I wanna throw up
3. I'm not homophobic I just can't handle ass talk
4. Trey Songs makes me also wanna barf the same way gay ass sex makes me wanna barf
5. Jersey Shore season 2... I can't wait
6. The word "chap" is un-natural to me... NO one sounds "cool" saying it
7. If someone doesn't treat you kindly why do you kiss their ass??
8. He was probably trying to get at me that time... I couldn't though
9. Throwing shade is fun and all... BUT I really wish people would DO better
10. GRAHAM CRACKER --- that means dry
11. If all you can afford is Macy's why try to play in Saks... being real NEVER hurt nobody
12. Am I the only person who realizes rich people don't wear shiny shit... moving along
13. Remember when being ghetto was cool??? I didn't fit in AT ALL
14. You notice how much chicks have changed since the Real Housewives of ATL started??
15. Why is getting drunk so fun??? (I still don't understand)
16. I like Ciara... I'm NOT a stan won't buy an album but I like her
17. Thoughts at the moment: "we in the Range in this fucked up weather
    It's snowin and I'm tryin to put the whole shit together
    How Laverne, she always wanted to be like me
    And dress like me, and look like me
    And Nicole, it's like she lived in my house
    Askin me for money, day in - day out
    And last but not least the grimiest one Tayesha
    She planned it all, come to find out her name is Keisha" - Lil Kim "Aunt Dot"
18. Kim goes so hard
19. I saw a 30 something man with a mo' hawk yesterday & I was angry women were checking him out
20. I see a bitch with black lipliner on daily...
21. I would like to give Amb another f-ck u!
22. My life is an inside joke... u mad that you outside??
23. WHY do men still have braids?? I can't take it
24. Then he had beads on the braids.. BUT he looked at me crazy
25. Gretchen is the SMARTEST woman I know
26. If you gon be a "goal digger" aim high
27. That girl Gretch got a MAN who doesn't just have potential he has drive & work ethic...
28. That's the shit you hate on, I'm not jealous I'm too happy for her
29. Once a guy hurts my feelings I un-give a fuck HARD
30. I don't do frienemies, I just don't fuck with you sir
31. "Girls at LSU can be hoes but if they get pregnant we point and stare" -- the double standard
32. That bitch shiny but it's from Rainbow.. shiny rainbow..
    
    

Take that monkey shit off

Reading peoples twitter comments on the #ohUfancyhuh trending topic made me think.....

Some people enjoy "playing roles"; me personally my role is comedian, bitch, slut! That being said, if I took this monkey shit off I'd be dull. I'm so boring in real life but nobody knows that... moving along. I don't think my role hurts anyone. Some people pretend to be nice and are actually bitchs. Some people pretend to care about you and could give a fuck less. Most people pretend to be more wealthy than they really are... that shit's funny! I often wonder who people aim to impress with "this monkey shit".

Oh.. back to the point, the roles that hurt people are fucked up. If I don't like you I just won't talk to you. If I don't know you I'll probably make fun of you... I don't know you so your feelings mean nothing to me.. That's natural. BUT my friends the people I love... I don't hurt them. Not on purpose. Sometimes they do stupid shit and I tell them it's stupid. They get mad but at least I'm not posting your business on facebook.

Watch the roles you play... they might kill you one day!!

Paper Planes

I'm reading my private diary from 2008 and for 5 months everything I wrote was about him. I pride myself on being a "thug. I don't usually care about anything... But he's different. He's always been different. So now I'm a hypocrite. I wanna fall in love & get married and have babies, that look like him because his nose is better than mine. I'm not normal. Most people don't tell the world when they go against their "principles" but for me it's like... wow. I'm open to something I never really wanted to be open to.. Does monogamy in your 20s exist? My biggest fear is that it doesn't. BUT I'd leave all my hoes for him. Not like them hoes was acting right or anything. It's just the idea that I'd consider myself someones something... I no likey the titles. I don't like possessive articles. What happens now? I have no idea... If it works.. I can't blog about it.. I'm really not even blogging about it right now. I'm talking around it.. I do not enjoy this shit at all...

Gray to Green box Ratio, HeauxDeGoHard

The most aggravating thing in life continues to be someone Who doesnt wait to have the Proper Gray to GreenBox ratio when texting someone... Answering yourself as if the conversation has continued is never a good look. Who does this?

Well U must not want that shit (randumb)

This week alot of dumb shit was said:

1. "God gon bless you for being nice, not being stupid" - mama
2. "I don't want it bad enough to do it in 90 degree weather"
3. "I knew I was horny for real"
4. Them hoes got needles in they pussy
5. Only 3 things could happen if you cross the hump: death, STDs or the trap
6. NO they dumb black hoes they'll buy you shit
7. Yeah she got herpes.. NO not that one... NO ALL them niggas got herpes (they gay)
8. Where the fuck you from wit dat fake ass Boosie fade?
9. When a man look in the mirror he think he Kobe, Denzel, a mandigo warrior fuck we just think we the shit

Epiphany 2010

I'm having the same damn conversation I always have about men and relationships and it dawns on me!

The reason I am the way I am is because I have awesome male friends. All the emotional support and stability that most women get from having a boyfriend, is the support I get from my male friends. Most men see women as an after thought because male friendship is much more loyal than female friendship. Which is exactly why I'm so stable. It all makes so much sense. I love my homegirls but lets face it... loyalty is DEAD!
 Male bonding is gay but women aren't loyal. I don't feel like my girls have my back BUT I know for a fact if a nigga hit me my boys will murder him. A woman will throw you under a bus for some dick & a happy meal. That's why women need men in some capacity to balance everything.
I just don't need a boyfriend because I have friends that are boys who hold me down emotionally, mentally & spiritually & them hoes they handle the rest LOL!

Validation

We all validate our poor decisions in some way I just don't understand everyone. I guess I feel like my excuses are more logical. Or maybe I think everyone is out of their mind.
It all started because no one understands me. I'm the most important person in my life. I validate me. I don't need a man or friends or enemies... I hate women who need men.. you need Jesus sweetie. I never thought it was ok to search for acceptance outside of yourself.
Growing up I had solid friends and we've been friends forever which is probably why I never really longed for acceptance. I don't need anyone to like me my Christmas list is long enough. But I see people, women mostly searching for this impossible acceptance that will never happen. It's strange to me. Very very strange!
I never liked people.. never really related to them. I can't make people understand me. I can't even explain me well. Just know I'm 99.98% right about things that don't apply to me.

TRAFFIC

So i often ride alone...freestyling to songs i like. When I started spitting about what i thought was the most random shit ever. But it just kept coming and coming so i realized it was because i was really feeling what i was saying. Luckily i record my randomness on my iPhone. I wont release the freestyle Just yet but it inspired this writing.

Traffic

The more I think about it emotions and being involved with someone is Rush Hour, Lunch Hour Traffic. The heart is the most disfuncitonal traffic light there is. Our brains never do what the law of our better judgement says we should do when we’re deep in this traffic or we’re in a hurry to get where we need to be.

The people you give the geen light are either to eager to blow through the intersection, or they are hesitant. Hesitant because theyre busy with another song in their head, or they are textng, tweeting or both in traffic. Why do you have to savagely Honk your horn at some people for them to notice that the lights green, the lain is clear, traffic gone and you want them to proceed. You don’t have to completely pay attention to be aware that shit is moving.. Peripheral senses should be enough…yet we get lost…

Give the same person a yellow light to take things slow and they are impatient. They want to tear through at a breakneck speed and get frustrated at having to make a last minute decision. Do I blow the light or do I hit the brakes. Hasty decisions are often to blame for the brutal wrecks that occur between the hearts and minds of people.

Redlights, we’ve all ran them. We’ve all broken rules we didn’t want to. How do you tell people to respect your rules, but you let them break them sometimes. How is one to know when you are serious about them. Some say you cant Turn right on Red. But if every light you’ve approached lets you turn right on red, who is this 1 light to tell me I cant. Lets say you even train yourself to respect the rules of this light. Theres going to be a time where u tell the person at the light to turn red. We all break are own rules. Face it there aren’t any rules When you are playing in Traffic of Human emotions.. No test, No book can prepare you for every condtion you are going to face on the road.

The heart is the most powerful muscle we have but its powered by the human mid… Its thoughts that push us to love, push us to hate, push us to frustration, push us to happiness. So the mind is the more powerful than the heart to me…But no matter how powerful the mind is you cant use its strength to stop thinking about something that the heart wants so much. Don’t let anyone be a Cop, Sheriff or StateTrooper and change ur driving habits when it comes to your heart. Only you know whats good for you, But Drive Carefully.

I don't read fiction that's how chicks get sold dreams!

1. I thought that picture was cool and I probably won't ever have a reason to use it.
2. That new law in Arizona pisses me off all minorities should just boycott Arizona and the racist can have it.
3. The women on SATC are in their 50s now... it's officially over
4. I want to write the next great women's tv craze
5. I watch it in my mind daily
6. Gretchen is awesome, in the show way cooler than Samantha Jones and the story lines are more realistic.
7. It will be the first show about friends of different races NO tokens.
8. So it's based on my life kinda.
9. I think people are starting to realize the president is a politician.. we wanted him to be so much more... welp! He's still sexy!
10. I'm really disappointed that being a "real" housewife is an expectation women have.
11. I'd rather be Stacey Dash than a woman who chases men...SUCCESS!
12. Most women want relationships then success I want success first!
13. Notice ONE thing: the women men talk about the most are successful, there's a million man chasing sluts out there... what makes you different??
14. You NEVER hear men say I need a good women, why because women chase men these days!
15. Me personally I'll die single before I start begging for men like some of these dumb sluts.
16. I read a blog this week that said "Men should only pursue dimes, women should settle. (verysmartbrothas.com) it's the most honest reflection of everything I've been saying since forever BUT women don't feel me because I don't conform to their desire to belong to a man.
17. If a man wants to marry you, he gon marry you.
18. If a man wants to keep you around he gon keep you around, until he finds something better!
19. Men have the upper hand in todays society well black men... women will do anything to have a man... and what do men do??
20. ME personally I will marry a vibrator before I settle!! BUT I'M ME NOT YOU!
21. If you wanna date a man who fucks over you just so you can say you're #1 DO THAT!!
22. I won't judge you I just can't do it.
23. Hoes are stupid they don't know how to agree to disagree so they think you're hating NO JACKASS I'M GOING AGAINST THE GRAIN!!
24. We'll see where everyones at when we're 30!
25. I don't read fairy tales, and I don't buy dreams!

Autobiography: Chapter 1

If my life ever becomes a book it has to start with this...
My grandfather (fraternal) was the pastor at my grandmothers (maternal) church, his only son and her youngest daughter began dating. One year later, she got pregnant, welcome ME! My fathers side being the "good" God living Christians they are rejected my mother and said she wasn't good enough for my father. She didn't go to college. My mother's mother INSISTED they get married. My mother politely refused. (I'm lying it was a fight). Soon after my fathers parents arranged his current marriage to my step mother.
My fathers side of the family didn't treat me like a bastard until my brother was born. Then when my sister was born, I was officially unimportant. Most of my life I've tried to fit in somewhere in my family. It's been an impossible task. The discomfort that comes from people saying "that's his daughter" is something NO one can ever understand. And in the "church" world the pastor's sons bastard child is always a leper. And when the pastors son becomes a pastor, that child becomes the "I haven't always been perfect sermon". I can't make you understand.
Before Rev died, when he still had his mind, he apologized for my life. He told me that no matter what happened he never disowned me and he always encouraged my father to treat me like the rest of the kids. I forgave him. We were at peace. The last time I saw him I told him that I loved him, those were my last words to him. I'm at peace.

The Truth

Most truths are so naked that people feel sorry for them and cover them up, at least a little bit. - Edward R. Murrow

I don't keep many "social" things a secret. I don't feel the need to, if I did it I admit it. It makes life more simple. Besides one of my "friends" will tell one of their friends who will tell someone who doesn't care for me then everyone in my tiny universe will know anyway.
Most times the "rumors" or stories people tell about us only bother us because we don't want people to know our "dirty laundry". NEWSFLASH nothing is a secret if someone else was there. You tell he tells/ she tells. Shit gets out FAST! So why deny it?? Most things only hurt because we can't admit to ourselves who we really are. Me personally I know who I am and I don't lie about her.
Take Roseanne as the greatest example she gave a baby up for adoption before she was famous the kid surfaced, Roseanne said "She's mine", NO SCANDAL! No drama! Most people don't even know it happend because it wasn't dragged out or denied.

“The speed of communications is wondrous to behold. It is also true that speed can multiply the distribution of information that we know to be untrue.”



The truth scares people because they all want to be seen as "angels" funny thing is, if the world knows you a hoe! I learned these last few weeks that I'm not a hoe. I was relieved! I haven't done half the shit these so say "good girls" have NOT saying I'm an angel but my number is waayyyyyy lower than yours... *now they wonder what my number is* haha!!! I was a jaded fool who thought she was the one when she was really one of many... see my flaw ADMITTED! I can't be scandalous cause I refuse to lie... That's the bigger point. Think about it... but you won't change...

To be persuasive we must be believable; to be believable we must be credible; credible we must be truthful. - Edward R. Murrow

Killing yourself

In relationships the single worst thing you can do is be monogamous to someone your just kicking it with. This is my greatest problem, I'm kinda old I think about the consequences of my actions etc.. So I have one smash buddy at a time. It seems logical and sane... BUT it isn't. My mother often says "bettin all ya money on one horse ain't gon win ya shit". It's a quote about sex LMFAO!
Recently I had a conversation with two people I love and respect. The conclusion was that monogamy without "titles" is suicide. I always feel like I'm doing the right thing when obviously I'm dead wrong. I don't believe in lying, but sometimes I honestly don't know the truth. I don't want a boyfriend but then I feel really bad if I have multiple fuck buddies. So I only have one. Which is death.
I'm slowly dying everyday. I've tried to run, I can't. Not to mention, Big haunts me more than the shadows in my room. It seems like the only thing I can do is run.. yet I have no reason to.
In my opinion most people stay in "relationships" because they don't see any other options. I honestly don't see any other opinions.

Glass Houses

Its not often that I let what people say about me bother me, and I wont choose today to start caring past this post! I would rather a person that thinks negatively of me and dont like me straight up say I dont fuck with you. I would rather them never give thoughts about me, Id rather them never look my way. Id rather them not pretend they care or feed into a false friendship.

I have never pretended to be an angel nor will I ever. Everyone around me knows that I have led one of the most fucked up, selfish and more horrible pasts of anyone I know. But I thank God that i experienced everything I did. It has made me a better and far more honest person than most people i know. I dont live behind lies, and i wont fix myself for fake to get anyone in my life to understand me or like me.

With that said I welcome the stones, storms, and wrecking balls that you throw at my glass House. Fuck the table, I place my cards on display, taped to the walls facing out for all to see. I know who I am, and maybe you should too before you go placing judgement...better yet. You need to fix your walls before you go passing judgement. Fake bitches like you havent even worked their way up to glass. You're a pitiful frame with Seran Wrapped walls. You bend and conform to whatever mold you need to fit for the moment. You're thin, weak, shallow, foggy even.

I know far more about you and your fucked up past than you do about mine. Im not God or Jesus Christ, so i leave the Judging to them because they are the only ones you should have to answer to besides your own fucked up conscious. I realize sometimes people are so fucked up that they want to direct attention away from themselves but you should do this away from me and not even call yourself an friend, much less an associate. My past is my past and im paying for everything I did. But what you dont realize is, I dont owe you shit. Didnt fuck with you and you dont know my life so STFU. Shagari Gerard Jackson has never been, and never will be perfect...

Stop building your home with False Bricks and look into your own life, I bet when the storm that is Judgement day comes my foundation stands stronger than yours. Im not even mad at you though. I thank The Lord that he brings stuff like this to light so you know who to distance yourself from. Im a far better friend than any of you may ever know. and if u dont think so at the time you will eventually see that. Just cause i dont tell people what they dont wanna hear doesnt make me horrible. Im just being real. and its funny that all this came about today...someone else thought i was horrible and texted me the following this morning... This from a person i didnt sleep with, didnt sell dreams, didnt sugar coat anything about my life.
See to often people dont understand what the fuck they have in a friend till they piss on em..and i promise you will need me before i ever need you. See im good living in my glass house with my Windex conscious. You can keep puttin up them Seran Wrap walls with them muddy bricks..far more dirt than I. Avatar Shit "I see you!"

I want even unfollow or block ya dirty dingy ass... But ask yaself how can you sit calmly in the Jury when you a convicted ass felon?

The Rain..

Its raining....Savage Sensual Sex...I want some....Lickin,slurpin, suckin, fuckin, touchin, rubbin. Shower, floor, bed, table, bent over in front of the bathroom mirror... heavy breathin on your neck. Eagles grip upon your ass. Kidnapping your soul from your body with your Vagina as the doorway. My Tongue as the kidnapper. If im caught fuck it ill take my charge. Give me Life imprisonment in your arms. Ill suck your lips and exchange hot stares with u till we cant anymore!

So we sleep to recharge, but i promise you if you graze me with your ass again ill be wide awake again. Ill get the sweet scent of your pussy and track it as if my life depends upon it. Im hungry and havent eaten you in an hour or so...I approach my prey as you lay there sleeping...Some would call it sneaking. But you dont put up any fight as you discover your kitty's impending doom. (lol impending doom) I'll dine thirstily upon you as if its my last meal. You let me know how u feel as the life leaves your body in the form of sex fluids. I dare not waste this thick drink.. Who knows when ill reach water again. So I slurp away as you release my hair i know youre done coming when ur legs release their death grip. Kisses around your thighs, stomach, just under your breast. I leave neither of them feeling neglected as i twirl both nipples with tongue. under your chin, your jawline, your cheeks, your lips. I taste them all....Dick hard from the time i woke up..you grab it.. you want it.. you got it...lets get it



Im a recovering freak but the very sight of you gives me relapses. I cant help but feel that spending an eternity with you rolling exchanging beads of sweat is anything but less than Heaven

shit happens

In my mind all the parts of my life that are about relationships are narrated by Sarah Jessica Parker. If my blog ever became a television show she would narrate.
I went back on my word. I text him.. (Hov)... and the Miranda of my live (the lovely sometimes red haired Mexican) said "Oh he's nice".
My Miranda doesn't approve of any of the men I've ever liked/loved. But she likes him. Let's not over analyze he's honestly never done anything wrong (to me). Back to Miranda, She's my pessimist! I don't need people who constantly shoot flowers up my ass it's not healthy. I like to look at the brightside and well she doesn't really LOL! Balance is amazing.
My Charlotte wants me to have a "boyfriend", I'm not quite sure what boyfriend means or does. I like a guy (it's not going anywhere *trust me*) & I love a guy (it's NOT going anywhere... soon). I'm just not that into monogamy at the moment.
My life in order goes: God, Family, success (degree,career), Be PRETTY!, Eat chocolate, men.
I don't need men, I have vibrators. Well I don't need monogamy; sex partners are cool people. So many things are important to me, boyfriend is just like.. a nipple ring, I don't see it's place in my life right now.
What does Carrie want for Carrie?? Not to wait 10 years for some asshole to realize she's the one! LOL yeah we met when I was 20 so umm... clocks ticking negro! I joke I joke! I want wine & happy hours, I want a degree and some fierce blonde weave!
Clearly I've wasted your time but I wanted to write this!

Blues Clues Heaux

Women can be on some Loser shit just like niggaz. How you possess a degree, have a bad vocabulary, not have a job, live at home with your parents, and dont see yourself doing anything in your future. Well when I found this out I told the chick that i couldnt rock with her a long ass time ago. Today she decides to resurface randomly!




Lord knows its idiots like this that makes me appreciate the good ones. If you have a good woman who grinds and has sense please hold onto her...Its too many idiot decepticons out here like this Bad Bitch with No Brains!

SELFISH

Someone I care a lot about called me Selfish and Wreckless the other day. They couldnt be more right. I say a lot of shit and do a lot of shit that i should think completely through before saying or doing. Men and women often use the "Im Single." line as a way of not being held accountable for ones actions. I admit its one of the reasons Im single. I dont wanna owe someone more than i can give in the form of explanations for the shit i do right now. The other part is that by working here i constantly see so many women willing to fuck over something good that has existed long before i was thought about.

I have been irresponsible with peoples feelings at times...Just because we're single doesnt mean that we should be blind to the fact that people have deep emotional investments built in us. I say what i want and how i want too, but it doesnt always mean its right..But its right for me. I just never believed in sugar coating things and you'll always know where my head is. With that said my Selfish ass actions leave you open to receiving full reports on my daily conduct. You pretend it doesnt bother you because we have no title, but I know it does when i have to hear about it later.

The real shame is I dont know that im hurting you, until you say something. Ignorance is just built into niggaz, and we just choose to ignore doing shit to you that we wouldnt want done to ourselves. Being single isnt an excuse for me to ignore the responsibility of doing what i know is best to protect and legitimize the feelings that are directed towards me. I know if i keep on saying Fuck it Im single, Im always gonna remain single...Nobody wants that

So if im wreckless with your heart and feelings..its not that i wanna be. u just havent set your guidelines. No man has the right answers to every thing dealing with you women. Are you patient enough to teach a nigga how you want to be loved. Then again the 2nd half of my problem is that I see way too many women use the word LOVE & wouldnt know that feeling if it slapped them dead in the face.

I have learned that much in my life and i dont play with the words I Love You. If its said its genuine. I feel like as long as I keep everything 100 from jump that you dont have room to complain. Then again people want the truth and don't know how to handle it when you give it to them. I really dont care how Im Judged as long as im doing right by the people in my life. Ive become more and more afraid to open up to the wrong person so maybe it isn't me being selfish as much as Self Preservation. I see Relationships as being on an open plain with Lions...Nobody wants to be the fucking Gazelle.

Enough!

If a nigga gives you all the right tools in life not to get on his damn nerves then please apply and use them accordingly... I dont know how many times i have to post shit like this for people to see that its not always good to go hard trying to show ones interest. I wish everyone came fitted with a goin hard meter so they would know when the hell to chill out and back off of someone or a certain situation.






I absolutely cant stand to be hit with repeated texts after i havent answered but for the person to go as far as...ooh i see u not talkin or u ignoring me.... So lets say if u ask me " u ignoring me?' what the hell u gonna do when i reply "yes!" Either way ya go you just setting yourself up for failure...

If you want a nigga that can answer 24-7 then you need someone who doesnt do shit with their life, Im just not that Nigga. When u assume shit you make an ass of yourself. So b4 u badger the fuck outta someone...chill, breathe, go bored text someone else...lol but not me cause ill flash out. I think ill make a skype or messenger dedicated to answer questions of women and tell u what not to do and title it " Am I going too Hard?"