My grandfather (fraternal) was the pastor at my grandmothers (maternal) church, his only son and her youngest daughter began dating. One year later, she got pregnant, welcome ME! My fathers side being the "good" God living Christians they are rejected my mother and said she wasn't good enough for my father. She didn't go to college. My mother's mother INSISTED they get married. My mother politely refused. (I'm lying it was a fight). Soon after my fathers parents arranged his current marriage to my step mother.
My fathers side of the family didn't treat me like a bastard until my brother was born. Then when my sister was born, I was officially unimportant. Most of my life I've tried to fit in somewhere in my family. It's been an impossible task. The discomfort that comes from people saying "that's his daughter" is something NO one can ever understand. And in the "church" world the pastor's sons bastard child is always a leper. And when the pastors son becomes a pastor, that child becomes the "I haven't always been perfect sermon". I can't make you understand.
Before Rev died, when he still had his mind, he apologized for my life. He told me that no matter what happened he never disowned me and he always encouraged my father to treat me like the rest of the kids. I forgave him. We were at peace. The last time I saw him I told him that I loved him, those were my last words to him. I'm at peace.
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