"But I need it..."

In the last few weeks, I've been surrounded by my past. The short verison of the long story is that I've lived more than one life. When I was in high school [& middle school] I thought getting high was cool. I've never really been addicted to anything besides cigarettes. Other than that it was an experiment. I haven't done anything since like 2005 and that was just weed. Drugs make me feel like I can't control myself. I love control. Even when people think I've given them power I promise I'm controling the situation.

On to the story, two weeks ago I got a call from a friend I haven't spoken to in months. She said she needed me. Everyone in my phonebook calls me when somethings wrong. I'm used to it. This is different though, she's addicted. I don't know what to say. I screamed mostly "If you wanna die go slit your wrist it'll happen faster". I love her. But I can't baby grown women. We've had a few classmates and friends die from drug overdoses. It still doesn't click. She says "No matter who dies or how close they are to you, you NEVER think it's gonna happen to you". I understand that it's kinda like how no one ever thinks they'll end up pregnant or with STDs but it happens.
Tonight I get a call from someone I thought I'd never speak to again.. & she needs me... She's addicted. I don't know what to say. I don't know how to be dependent on a substance and feel that I can't wake up without it. But I do know the only way to stop hurting is to address what hurts instead of masking it. I keep saying go to rehab but honestly I'm at a lose for words.
I think this is God's way of telling me I need to help people with addictions...

Because First Place is all that matters

Women disturb me or should I say immature girls who should be women by now. Quotes such as:

"I'm his main girl", "I'm #1"...

Here's my issue being #1 doesn't make you the only one. What is a main?? Why are women so happy to be the MVP of a team... Team boo meaning you share spit & peen with other women who probably have other men.. too many germs

I'm sorry, be mine or be gone. I'm not sure I'm ready for monogamy, BUT if I was I wouldn't play those #1, #2 games.

How much do you value yourself if you know someone is in other relationships but since he tells you, you're #1 you're some how better???

Marriage will NEVER come from this because if you were THE ONE, he wouldn't imagine being with anyone else.

Why do I have to tell grown women this?

Maybe that's why I'm single, I walk slow I refuse to sweat my weave out running after peen!

The Mission

So many people will tell you that they know me but they don't know shit. While vain & somewhat self-centered, if you really know me, you know my passion in life is people. Mostly kids. If I can't help, motivate & inspire every person I encounter I have failed as a person. You clearly didn't know that about me.. moving on.

Before I made mistakes my goal in life was to be rich. I wanted to use my bullshitting skills to make money and buy material things that would never equate to happiness. The 2nd time I flunked out of college, I was forced to take "easy" classes. Taking easy classes gave me the purpose I now have. Taking Juvenile Delinquency taught me how many men in prison had simple learning disablities. That if detected early would have probably kept them in school & maybe kept them from killing. There were several other lessons but that one sticks out in my mind the most. I don't aspire to be famous, but I will be glamorous in all things! I want to motivate the next generation to be all that they can be.
I've heard so many people say they're outraged by The BlindSide (the Michael Ohr story). Well guess what?? Antione Fisher was motivated by an African American but our generation seems to be so caught up in self that we don't help others. Now take all the outrage you have about white families helping black kids to succeed in life, and take your black ass into the inner city & help black kids, then you might get a movie! SHOCKING!!!
Personally, I don't need a movie or a book. I need a little girl to grow up and know that she's more than her body, I need one black man to grow up and know that he's worth more than his weight in gold (not my kids someone elses). That's it. My mission is to truly impact someones life as often as I can.

And who are we to judge??

I didn't think the first thing I blogged about would be someone elses marriage but crazier things have happend. Tonight I got sucked into watching Khloe & Lamar's wedding story. Honestly I don't think anyone can act that well. From day one, if both parties are being perfectly honest you can tell if you click. There are so many people who had sex the first night because it seemed right, so why can't they get married in the first month? I know one person who got married to her one night stand. They did date for 2 years before they got married but how wild is that?

I've often said that people are so quick to give away sex but guard their hearts & emotions. People play games to avoid letting anyone know them. It hurts to care. Lamar & Khloe seem to have let down their guards and shown their true emotions. It's really a beautiful thing. After all the celeb marriages that only lasted a week at least these two have been happy for a month... but mostly

Who are we to judge??

I'm personally jealous because I'm not married lol