I said it..

I rarely write about things that are extremely personal to me but there's a lesson in this.
My grandpaw has no legs, alzheimers, no teeth, a feeding tube and has had 3 strokes. I used to feel so sorry for him and wonder why life/God had cursed him in this way.
In a recent conversation with a family member, I learned that my grandpaw was a whore. Not a discreet one either. My grandpaw was a public hoe and cheated with local women.. So my grandmaw goes to the grocery store and knows the woman on aisle 5 is sleeping with her husband. They went further to say my grandmaw (who didn't drive) made my aunts and uncles (they have 8 kids) bring her to these womens houses to pull him out of the bed. YES.. he was pulled out of the act with my aunts & uncles as witnesses.
I no longer pity him. The wrath of God is extreme. I used to think he had no clue what was going on but I think he knows everything and can't do anything about it. Everyday of his life is pointless & painful torture.. maybe if he was a better person when he could have been it wouldn't be this way. I know someone will think I'm horrible for saying all this BUT think about the way you treat people it may not catch up with you at 40 or 50... you might just be in diapers again dependent on the same people you hurt to nuture you...the end

What the FUCK

Today has been INSANE. This is the worst part. This nigga stops me while I'm driving (I stopped b/c I don't want him to know where my house is). We went to college together. He wanted me in college, I wasn't interested. He's ugly & lame & desperate. His twin brother lied and said he had sex with my friend, the brother met my friend once & didn't even know her real name... moving on.
This niggas says "What do you think I want from you",
I say "I really don't care",
He says "I want you to taste me",
I say" Get the fuck",
He says"What you never tasted a man",
I say "That's a sorry ass pick up line I didnt like you in college and I don't like you now".
He finally leaves. WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT. Plus he has some mutane growth on his forehead looking nasty as hell. Asking for oral sex is NOT a pick up line nor will I respond it. I kinda wanna find him & kick him in the nuts. Who does that? & also who responds to it?? Is there a women who enjoys being degraded I don't.
In other news: I have bruised ribs & it hurts.

Want NOT need

Men make me happy. Male attention, conversation, cuddles. I know that I don't need it but I want it. I'm greedy. I want a man but on my own terms. I enjoy being sexual, not so much the act of sex but longing for sex the pre-foreplay, the desire to touch and be touched. I love sensual men, men who don't rush. I hate winter... it makes the desire to be with someone stronger. It's too cold to play outside there's nothing better to do. I don't want marriage potential just someone I get along with who happens to be attractive... It's clearly a want.

I'm glad I realize that it's something I want. So many women feel that they NEED a man when really they need Jesus or reality. Men don't complete women nor does it happen vice versa. This should be understood. The desire to have a boo is still deep though. The vibrator can only do so much.. LOL!

I'm patient I can wait... if only... oh well the past is the past no more going in reverse (I'll eventually crash)