And then there was Kimber

If Gretch is my Samantha Jones, Kimber is beyond it. Kimber is a slut. She doesn't even know I'm blogging about her and she probably won't ever read this. Kimber and I have been friends for about 2 years. From the moment I met Kimber I knew that we'd be friends. She has a strong presence. She's an incredible person and one of the smartest women I've ever met. That being said if she wants to fuck she's gonna fuck the end. Kimber has never denied who she is so for that reason I respect her. Kimber is proof that if you're an all out hoe you're gonna get married. She's engaged. Kimbers the type that's always buttoned up. She's never showing the goods. She fools men with her knowledge and lack of hoe like presence. Most guys who date her think she's only been in one relationship her entire life and that some guy broke her heart so she's been single ever since. She did have a long term boyfriend, she cheated her ass off... LOL! The tales of Kimber will soon follow.

No, you're wrong

Disclaimer: I'm not trying to change your mind or make you see anything the way I see it I'm simply telling you how I feel and if you can't handle that I really don't care. This is my opinion.

Recently I've had conversations with different people about religion. I don't believe in religion, I believe in spirituality. Religion divides people and tells people they're right and everyone else is wrong. If the basis of all religion is love and we all essentially worship the same spirit of love and forgiveness, how can anyone be right or wrong. My dad is pastor, my uncles a pastor and my other uncle is a minister. Therefore my perception of everything is different.

Cult Church:
Once I visited this church and I hated it. The people I went with said I was being too critical but when I got home and told nameless where I'd gone to church he said "That's a cult". When I explained to my daddy what had gone on at the church he said "Nah, baby dat don't sound right". And my uncle the pastor said "When they control your mind it's easier for them to scam you out of money." My uncle [the pastor] is hilarious he thinks 99% of church's scare you into coming and take all your money; while the pastor lives in a million dollar house the congregation don't have a pot to piss in- not a direct quote but real close. Piper told me a story last week that shocked me. Her co-worker goes to cult church story is as follows:
Cult Girl: How's your relationship with God? [The bible NEVER said to question peoples faith it said spread the good news 1st thing I didn't like]
Piper: I believe and I go to church.
Cult Girl: What church do you go to?
Piper: our church [you don't need to know all that]
Cult Girl: I go to Cult church, have you ever been there?
Piper: Yes, a long time ago but it's not my style.
The conversation continues with Cult Girl basically saying if you don't go to Cult Church you're going to hell. I can't tell you whose going to hell no human alive can.

I condemn you to hell church:
Two years ago a friend of mine died and at his funeral the pastor started telling everybody about why they were going to hell; At a funeral! When I told my daddy about said "that's how those people are, that's what they do". I am not a fan of condemn you to hell church or condemn you to hell people. No one is perfect. God forgives. If God is the most forgiving and loving being ever why would he constantly condemn everyone to hell? Doesn't really make sense huh?

"You should live how I live":
People all kinds of people "find God" and then try to influence you to find the same God they found. I happen to think God is something different for everyone because no one ever has the same experience with anything. When I started going to church again I asked people to come with me. I didn't condemn those who didn't and I didn't judge those who did. It's not my or anyone elses place to judge. That's what drives me. May those without sin cast the first stone... I'm waiting... throw it... that's right YOU CAN'T! I have friends of all different religions I've never tried to make them see it my way. I respect other people's religion it's just how I rock. If you live life everyday to your full potential and do right by people, what's so wrong? I curse... oh well where is it in the 10 commandments that I shouldn't say that shit stinks? But you shouldn't lie and say you're living for God when you're scamming people and lying about your actions to others to seem more Godly... [observation not judgement] I sin. I'm not perfect I don't even try to be perfect. I don't sin on purpose most times but sometime I know what I'm doing and I do it anyway. So why can't everyone else be real enough to say that?

To witness is to live by example stop trying to convince people to join the club you make the club look soooooooo horrific.

These have been the opinions of the one and only MOI. If you don't like it theres a box at the top of the screen click X!

What the effff

I don't sleep through the night anymore. Ever since the argument I haven't been able to sleep. Last night I had the most graphic sex dream ever. It was with Jake. Why? Even in my dreams I'm telling myself this is so wrong. Like always I didn't get to cum [what's the point of a wet dream]. I woke up and I prayed. I know Jake is wrong. Wronger than wrong the worst even. I can't ever touch Jake again... But my subconscious is a bad lil girl who enjoys danger.

Say Hello..

I'm sitting here thinking about Jay-Z (the real one) and the last album wasn't so horrible but the first 3 times I heard it, I hated it... It's what I do, things have to grow on me. Say hello is probably the only song that stuck out to me the first time I heard it, something about it was familiar. [back to the present] I'm thinking of this song and all of a sudden
I realize Hov is was flawed.

Hov is far from perfect but I blocked all these segments of time from my mind because he's not that guy anymore. I think we just had our first real argument because I told him I remembered. I wanna cry... I'm so soft I cry for everything... I hate me.

Me and Hov smashed before we knew each other well, that was part of the problem. I can't say it but he wasn't Mr. Perfect. He was Mr. Can't get Right. He had many flaws. I've watched him grow, I am so happy to know the man I know now but that boy, BAD BAD BAD BAD. Hov was worse than Jake. He wasn't disrespectful or rude but on my bad scale Jake would be dumped for Hov's actions. I think he's mad because he thinks that all of a sudden I'm gonna change...

[SHITBRAIN if I was willing to tolerate "that" when I met you and had no reason to be attached to you, now that I am attached to you, nothing changes... stop confusing me with them other bitchs you know I hate stereotypical black women and I don't act like them... but I wanna slap you a lil bit for being mad]

Which leads me to my next thought: Is the dick that good?? Or maybe I love you? But maybe just maybe... [beast in dem sheets]

I'm ignoring you

There are signs... There are always signs... Jake is 2 or 3 years younger than me... I never asked how old he was because I don't care. Jake is dumb as hell [but you know I don't like smart men]. About a month ago someone told me Jake did something... bad. I never expected Jake to be good so... I ignored it. A few weeks ago Jake said something that turned me off to the point of no return... I ignored it. Today, Jake said something else horrific and I've decided to be logical and use my brain and the good sense God gave me... no more Jake...
Why do I always have to quit before I start?? I have bad taste.

To crush # 4

This is not to get confused this is for you. Crush # 4 he's the exception I've known him for a year and I haven't bitten him, hinted that I like him, been drunk and tried to feel his peen, or nothing. I'm pretty sure he "friendzoned" me and I'll never get out. I've written about him before. I want to just call him and say:
Look dude fuckin you shouldn't be this difficult!
I've realized that we won't ever date and be boyfriend and girlfriend so can we at least bang curiosity is kicking my ass. How sad would I be if I got it and it was weak?

Still...

The worst part of me being sad or hurt is that I self destruct.

I want Jake bad. I've been texting Jake for 2 weeks. I didn't do it yet. Yet is the keyword. Jake is crazy and he's mean and I love it. I just wanna bounce it. There I said it no take backs. I said no to Jake the last 150 times he asked. It's been 1 year & 1/2 I'm ready... I think. I've tried my hardest not to practice casual sex. I'm a born again virgin in my own mind. Granted I might cry Sunday and completely regret sinning on purpose. I'm going insane I LOVE JAKE [from the waist down].

Dat kiss kiss kiss

I miss Jake in one of those really bad dysfunctional ways. I like donuts more than apples, I'm just an unhealthy person. Every time I hear that Chris Brown song kiss kiss I laugh because he sung that song the first time we kissed. Jake is retarded. A few days after we met, we went to Jack in the Box, the drive thru had like 4 other cars in it and the people were taking forever. Jake is changing the radio every ten seconds. Then kiss kiss is on and he says "You wan kiss me", I say "No I don't", he says "Girl u know u wan kiss me", I say "No I really don't" [I hate kissing] he grabs my face and bends my neck. He said "man you gon kiss me". This boy held my face and made me kiss him. It was hilarious kinda and crazy. I enjoy crazy.

oxymornic much... possibly

When I was younger I didn't date/like black guys. But when I did it was always a black guy who only dated white girls. I still have this issue. They don't have swag and most of them are losers but they have so much in common with me. It's like 2 token black kids dating it's cute almost. Anyway I have another one... crush I mean well I've had like 7 since I got to college. I get "friendzoned" all the time; the last one ended in a a tragic 90 second whatever the hell that was... really I'm not that good. Why do I always fall for the black guy who likes white girls? oxymornic?

No sleep

Last night I had 4 dreams 2 nightmare 2 dreams. Everytime I woke up I prayed. I don't remember what I dreamed. I barely remember what I prayed. I know I'm ok. I'm afraid of being smart that means I can't make excuses. I don't know what to write about, I don't even know what to say. I just feel and I can't explain what I feel... maybe it's reality setting in. I can't tell anyone what's wrong with me because I honestly don't know. I've never felt this way before. I'm not going back, he's not coming back. It still sounds crazy to me but it's real. This year I've gotten rid of 3 very important friends because we weren't on the same path in life and it was pointless. Mama said the older I get the smaller the circle would get but I wasn't ready. I'm tired of growing up. I wanna be naive. I'm about to cry so I'll just stop.

Always wear lipstick NEVER get married

In freshmen English I had to read this short story called always wear lipstick, never get married. It made me think harder than I cared to at the time but at 19 I decided to stop being the girl who needs a guy. My only goal was to be the best friend, sister, daughter ever [maybe I should have wanted to be a good student might have a degree]. I was the BEST FRIEND I've ever been I was always there when people needed me. I partied my lil ass off and I wasn't worried about anything. Then Jessi moved away and twin got a boyfriend. When your drinking buddies leave you have 2 choices drink alone [did that] or get my drinking buddies [did that too]. In meeting new drinking buddies I started to meet guys. That's when I met he who shall remain nameless. Nameless was the best/worst thing ever he was a bum, he was kinda cute, he was always broke but he was lovable kinda. We "messed" for about a year. I wrecked my car rushing back to school to see him. God gives you signs when things aren't right. I had no desire to marry this guy or be with him forever it was just fun or so I thought. Til my next epiphany came... you can't fuck with guys you couldn't have a kid for. I wasn't pregnant but I was scared as fuck, every girls had that scare she didn't want. The thought of having a kid with loser boy was enough to make me never speak to him again.

The point of this random pointless story is this as long as I wasn't focused on men my life was awesome but as soon as I got "bored" and let that loser into my life I had headaches and issues and problems... fuck all that I wanted fun

Womp Womp Womp

Me: i know u going around around trying to scam freshmen today and u disgust me

Homeboy: wow...I kinda grew up lol I didnt encounter any chics today

promise

Me: translation = the freshmen girls kinda poo this year

or translation= I already banged all the summer scholars

Homeboy: LOL Nah I honestly didnt even go in the quad just one class then I left

but yeah they are poo too tho

Me: LMAO

So according to a reliable source the freshmen girls at LSU are ugly LOL! Well you know what that means... Southern get ready them LSU boys coming LOL!

Growing Pain

I'm growing up. It makes me sick. So sick that I skipped work today. I made myself physically sick. I haven't talked to anyone about anything of importance all week [except Mya]. I'm pretty sure Hov has a girlfriend or is damn close to it... So I'm dropping it. I woke up... I stopped living in a dream cause it's over now. I feel a chapter closing. I realize that love, real love doesn't purposely hurt you real love doesn't have selfish motives because it's love. While the definition of love maybe harder to comprehend than how electricity works I know what it is not. Love is not what I have, love is something I've never had. I've been willing to give my all while receiving nothing, I can only blame myself for this. I had to slap myself and say what the fuck are you crying for because I haven't lost anything. I've gained an idea of what I won't tolerate... On to write the rest of this book