No sleep

Last night I had 4 dreams 2 nightmare 2 dreams. Everytime I woke up I prayed. I don't remember what I dreamed. I barely remember what I prayed. I know I'm ok. I'm afraid of being smart that means I can't make excuses. I don't know what to write about, I don't even know what to say. I just feel and I can't explain what I feel... maybe it's reality setting in. I can't tell anyone what's wrong with me because I honestly don't know. I've never felt this way before. I'm not going back, he's not coming back. It still sounds crazy to me but it's real. This year I've gotten rid of 3 very important friends because we weren't on the same path in life and it was pointless. Mama said the older I get the smaller the circle would get but I wasn't ready. I'm tired of growing up. I wanna be naive. I'm about to cry so I'll just stop.