The untold story

I keep secrets, people don't really ask so I never tell... maybe that's it. Anyway I was reminded of him so I tell you the story now...

Most people in my life right now assume I've always been Sam/Kim Jones... what they don't know is I got all that naive love shit out of the way at a very early age. I'm not bitter I just grew up too fast, in telling this story I have to force myself to be honest... too honest... Here goes:



He was 16 I was 14... That's wrong in the first place... He was in high school I was in middle school MORE wrong... My mother and his father dated in high school, we could have possibly been siblings if fate were different... even more WRONG... Because of my mothers love for his father and general "good vibes" about him she let me leave with him and go anywhere.
I thought he was my boyfriend... for months we spent all our free time together or so I thought. He never said he loved me just that I wasn't as crazy as I seemed. He was gorgeous, big ol sexy dark chocolate man... yes, I lost my virginity to a black man. Let's finish, a year passed and we finally did it on Valentines day in all it's cheesy glory (why I hate V-day)...
The next day he calls me and tells me that he's had a girlfriend since he was 13 and he really loves her and he feels like shit for cheating on her so we can't talk anymore...
I felt like I swallowed vomit, my heart sank in this way my heart had never sank before. I gave him me, the only thing I could never get back and he left me the next day... NOT even a week. I cried for days. I didn't tell anyone. I tried to kill myself with some Tylenol with codeine. It just made me barf a lot. When I finally attempted to get over it, I realized he didn't love her or me. And that hurt even more. Even if I wanted him, even if I felt he was the only one who could take the pain away he didn't love anyone but himself.
Sometime before football season he called and said we should be friends. I accepted. He came over a few times we kissed but I never had sex with him again. He blamed himself for driving me to white men.. which is probably true because I didn't have problems like that with white guys... they always left their girlfriends for me LOL!
I've loved since the first but never quite that much. I never really tried to give my all to someone because in the back of my mind I always think tomorrow he's gonna leave me. I have emotional baggage that I hide deep in the pit of my soul...