For example, Mr. B he's broken my heart, but he's the only man who knows everything... & when I say everything, I mean the secrets I can't tell myself. I've started to realize that anyone whose dealt with me consistently for the last 5 years deserves a place in my life. I've been drunk, high, retarded, suicidal, judgmental, superfical & just plain evil at times, he's still here (no pussy is that good it's gott be love). I realize that I'm a handful and frankly I wouldn't have dealt with the old me. I'm not trying to wife him.. I want someone better than him BUT his friendship is greatly appreciated & lets not front I might bounce on it from time to time. I don't leave to be chased, I leave to formulate conclusions without outside influence.
In the process of over analyzing myself I've realized that I crave monogamy most when I feel that nothing in my life is going right. That's really dumb and since everything in my life is going right, I'm thinking clearly. When I'm sad I let people get away with shit. I'm toooo happy. Also the longer I go without sex the easier it is for me to realize I don't care about too much too often. Big is a hoe and he admits his flaws. That's all good for me.
Here's the point: I wonder how I grow so much. Everyday I come to a new realization about who I am, who I want to be, & what I want. I'm consistently honest & hilarious but my views on things change. I don't wanna be someone's girl. I want my own identity. I don't want to depend on my parents anymore, I'm too old for that. I want a flat stomach & huge boobs (somethings never change). I love learning, growing and changing. I don't want pride. I'm happy to admit when I'm wrong it helps me grow. I'm not taking shit anymore, if I don't like it I don't need it. I LOVE my friends I don't need anyone else. I know who I want to be & nobody has to agree with that. I'm comfortable in my skin.. I don't even want dick & conversation... (if it's not from Big)
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