The Dichotomy of Self

Websters defines dichotomy as something with seemingly contradictory qualities.

People (self included) judge you based on your views but most of us are two people. When judging it's so easy to forget how complex we are as people. Almost everyone I know has a moral conscious side that is a truly good person. That person has a strong relationship with their family & spirituality. That's the person people want to show most often. While that side isn't super cool outside Sunday morning. It's the person everyone really wants to be.
On the other hand those same people have a vice! For some it's sex (ME!) for others it's partying and alcohol, for most it's an obsession with materialism. & all of those things combined can be a vice too. It's this part of you that feels so good!!! It's wrong it's dead wrong BUT it's so GOOD. It's glamorized in pop culture. Everything we see says "Give into your vice. Vice is sexy. You wanna be sexy don't you? You want people to like you!!" It sucks so much!!

How can one be considered real or fake when everyone is multi-dimensional?

I fight myself DAILY!! Kim Jones loves her some penis. But that logical God loving side of me says "NO stop feeding Kim"... If you follow me on twitter you think I'm insane. Who is this girl? One might say... She's a pastors daughter with a mother who sees no problem with premarital sex.

As the story says: A Navajo grandfather who once told his grandson, "Two wolves live inside me. One is the bad wolf, full of greed and laziness, full of anger and jealousy and regret. The other is the good wolf, full of joy and compassion and willingness and a great love for the world. All the time, these wolves are fighting inside me." "But grandfather," the boy said. "Which wolf will win?" The grandfather answered, "The one I feed."

I try not to feed Kim... I try my hardest. Somedays I think God wants me to indulge in vice, feel bad and then cry. If rules were meant to be broken and the average person lies 4 times a day were we meant to feed both wolves? I feel like our society doesn't see lying as a sin but rather sex and murder are the only sins. Back on subject, would Kim exist if I wasn't supposed to be her?? I was born this way, my fasination with sex dates back to age 4 and blurry porn on channel 52. (That's back before they just showed fuzz on the channels you didn't buy) My parents didn't raise me to want or like sex or to explore it and learn history about. The study of the act of sex facinates me just as much as the act of sex...

I can't be all Kim... I'm not all Kim there's other things I like to talk about. As you would already know if you read my blog. But owning and affirming my sexual identity & my love for the act of sex is an evident and consistent part of me. Even the greatest people of times indulged in this vice J Edgar Hoover tape recorded MLK's 3 somes. Do we take away his holiday?? Nope! The battle is real... If we didn't have morals or moral standings the world would be in complete catious. So I wonder, we repent, we sin again, we repent, we sin again... Are we playing a game we're destine to lose?? I don't know anyone who wants to be a "bad person". Yet the dichotomy exists...

The solution... Be more open minded, understanding?? Nah, let's just pretend to be angels and keep throwing shade at each other. It's kinda fun...