When I think about you...

I don't understand what it is.. but new-ness..

I'm happy and as much as happiness scares the shit out of me. I'm digging it. I can jump on the bed and watch Spongebob. I can read Joel Osteen books until I explode BUT to be truly happy with my life.. it's new to me . 2009 was a drag. It was long and sad and draining. Pieces of my soul died and others were revived.The most important thing was, I lived through it.

I've liked guys before, but this is that rare animal attraction. If I think about him too long I'll f-ck myself. He makes my heart stop. It's so simple.. I keep trying to complicate it but I can't. I genuinely enjoy someone and there's no catch. I hate writing about people who read my writing. BUT I'm not guarding my words on this one. He's the sex... and we all know I'm a mental nympho.

I've given up my delusion and my life is now interesting. New job, new-ness & relocation... Did I mention I dumped Big forever and ever and ever. Oh and that other dude too.. (Not because of new-ness because they both suck at life.. it's actually been a while since I did it. I just didn't feel the need to blog it)

It's like a new chapter in life. And NO I'm not trying to get married and have babies. I'm just enjoying a man for once. I'm still on a mission to be successful and no matter how fun or exciting new guys are I can't lose sight of who I am and what I want. Personal success trumps everything. That's the thing about life that's both amazing and shitty. It's easier to focus on things that don't matter (social situations & relationships) than it is to focus on what matters (family, school, work, personal success) that's why there's so much drama in the world, it's easier not to solve your problems. My eyes are engaged on me & what's best for me.

"Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there with open arms & open eyes" Incubus - Drive